Elon Musk and Grimes Are Now Space Exes

Listen up, Art Angels, our girl is free. Grimes and Elon Musk are “semi-separated,” Musk told Page Six today. This is the only time I am ever willing to believe the billionaire self-driving car libertarian, only because I imagine “semi-separated” means that she dumped his ass and he wanted to get ahead of the story.

Musk told Page Six that at the end of the day, they couldn’t make a long-distance relationship work. “It’s mostly that my work at SpaceX and Tesla requires me to be primarily in Texas or traveling overseas and her work is primarily in L.A.,” the alleged recipient of the world’s best hair plugs said. That all makes perfect sense, and is a normal reason for lots of people to break up.

In fact, the break-up, from Musk’s telling of it, seems too normal for these two weirdos. “We are semi-separated but still love each other, see each other frequently and are on great terms,” Musk told Page Six. According to him the two are currently living together and co-parenting their one-year-old son X Æ A-Xii together. That is maybe a little odd, but no more odd than when a couple breaks up before their lease is up and just rides it out awkwardly for a month or two.

Something smells like a roll of nickels here. I don’t trust Musk’s version of events. The man has fashioned himself as the lamest Bond villain and Grimes wants to die on Mars. Am I supposed to believe that these two are merely consciously uncoupling? The same man who texted his ex-wife six weeks after he filed for divorce to say he was engaged? Grimes can do a lot. but she’s not a magician.

One person with a sunny outlook on the whole situation is Azealia Banks, who has long been embroiled with the couple and one time was abandoned in Musk’s mansion for days (according to her). She posted this Instagram story:

Apartheid Clyde! Leave it to one of our greatest living writers to get straight to the heart of things.