Harry's Euro Comeback Tour Ruined by Gran's Death

The deposed Prince Harry made it to Big Lilibet’s deathbed half a day late and a few pence short. It is unclear if his father Charles and his brother William, who arrived at Balmoral earlier in the afternoon, were able to visit with the Queen before she retreated into the eternal fogs of Scotland, but they definitely made it earlier than Harry, who was seen pulling up about an hour and a half after the Queen’s passing was announced.

Little Lad Ginger and his royal grandmum enjoyed a close relationship until, if you are to believe the monarchist opinions of my blogging peers at the Daily Mail, the glamorous American enchantress Meghan Markle fucked that all up. The Prince resides in California now, leading the fantasy lifestyle of a podcaster’s plus-one, but he and Meghan happened to be in the United Kingdom for some charitable work in time for the Queen’s rapidly declining health. This was going to be his big return.

But the Queen’s final resting place of Balmoral Castle is more than just a hop, skip, and a jump away from London. The Palace announced Lilibet’s death at 6:30 p.m. BST in Scotland, and Harry’s jet didn’t land until 15 minutes later. Late, breaking photos of Harry crying in the backseat of a car en route from the airport are sincerely, remarkably sad, especially in contrast to the stern, grown-up face he stoically put on as a 12-year-old when his mother Diana died.

Harry, who’s been suing British cops over security concerns all summer, was only allotted two cars in his dinky little motorcade, which is one or two fewer lorries than Princes Andrew, William, and Edward got, and those guys don’t even know Tyler Perry. Condolences to the Duke of Sussex.