Jameela Jamil’s Next Cause Is A Cappella

When I imagine being greeted at the gates of hell, I picture Nancy Reagan ushering me into an auditorium and saying, “Settle in, dear, Jameela Jamil’s a cappella performance starts in five.” Unfortunately for me, hell is empty and all the devils are here. Deadline reported today that Jamil is joining the cast of Peacock’s Pitch Perfect TV spinoff, a casting decision that is sure to delight young millennials whose main source of news is soft-hued Instagram infographics.

Also rounding out the cast are Modern Family’s Sarah Hyland and the model Lera Abova, but that’s enough about them. Let’s hear more about what body-positivity warrior Jamil will be getting up to on this show.

The television version of the inexplicably massive movie series will follow Adam Devine’s character “Bumper Allen” as he attempts to revive his music career in Germany. Finally, an answer to the question: What if David Hasselhoff got his start in college a cappella?

Jamil will be playing someone named Gisela, who is described as “a bombastic and flashy up-and-coming German pop star who is Piëter’s ex-girlfriend and Bumper’s main rival at the German Unity Day concert.” According to Deadline, “She will stop at nothing to beat him to stardom.” We all know what that means: Gisela is going to murder Bumper in cold blood.

And just what are Jamil’s qualifications for this music-centric role? Much to my dismay, a cursory search of the phrase “Jameela Jamil singing” turns up nothing good. There are only stories about her past life as a DJ and her current life as a producer of boyfriend James Blake’s music. Boring. Everyone who is announced as a cast member on this show should be contractually required to film their own rendition of that “Cups” song so that loyal acca-bitches can really get a feel for how these performers will fit into the Pitch Perfect extended universe. DJ Jameela, you’re up first.