Kelly Clarkson Lets Go of Ranch Hand

Kelly Clarkson, soon to be Kelly Brianne, is finally free of her freak loser squatter husband after seven years of marriage and protracted divorce negotiations, according to Page Six. The lecherous ex, Brandon Blackstock, whom we do not wish well, must vacate Clarkson’s $17,750,000 Montana ranch by June 1 (and pay her $12,500 in rent a month until then, which seems low to me — gas prices are up, have you heard?). Since April 2021, Blackstock has been receiving $196,601 a month in spousal support.

Clarkson, widely regarded as my generation’s Ellen (I’m 15), now only has to pay Blackstock $115,000 a month until January 2024. Then he can go back to embarrassing his father, whose name is Narvel and was married to Reba McEntire (widely regarded as her generation’s Miley Cyrus for her comedic chops) from 1989 to 2015, on his own dime.

Clarkson and Blackstock share two young children, River and Remington. Remington appears to be named after an old English term for riverbank, not the gun. Blackstock will get the children one weekend a month. We hope he at least gets an apartment with a pool for the kids to swim in.