Oh No, Is Fabio Going to Turn Back Into a Baby?

I sleep in a bed full of dog hair. It has, until now, kept me looking relatively youthful; at least youthful enough that I do not usually receive the respect I deserve. But could a different sleeping arrangement make me look so young that I “get no respect at all,” like Rodney Dangerfield? If we’re to believe Fabio, the answer is yes.

In a new interview with People, ‘90s book cover star Fabio discussed why he still looks like Fabio, even though he is older (62) than Fabio used to be (mid-30s.). Fabio also discussed what he wants in a woman partner, and I’ll tell you what that is in case you’re interested. He says he wants: someone who is funny and who doesn’t like social media. Also, he said, "She has to be able to be in the middle of nature. She can't be afraid about bugs." That excludes me, so — all yours.

Fabio’s sleeping arrangement was disclosed in a parenthetical that was picked up by Celebitchy as, indeed, the part of the story that might have the biggest impact on our everyday lives.

“Now 62, he looks remarkably like his younger self — he says he's down to 225 from 252 lbs. — with the same unbuttoned silk shirts and eel-skin boots. He still works out like a maniac; still avoids alcohol, drugs and sweets; still speaks in Fabio-isms like ‘If you don't buy into fear, you will see miracles.’

And he still has the hair, which can catch any breeze. (What's different today: He sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber which, he says, ‘reverses the aging process.’)”

Obviously we aren’t going to work out or avoid alcohol, drugs, or sweets, but sleeping in an oxygen coffin every night like we’re a burn victim or someone who has carbon monoxide poisoning? That could be done. It’s obviously working for Fabio, who I am worried about becoming so youthful that he in fact turns back into a baby. The internet says we can buy our own hyperbaric chamber for — well, actually, first the internet (Oxford Recovery Center) says this:

“First of all, you cannot legally put a real hyperbaric oxygen therapy chamber into your home. In addition to the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA-99) regulations and the illegality of medical-grade oxygen purchase, it just would not be safe.”

But you can apparently buy a “soft” chamber, which are less useful and maybe do nothing, for $8,495. If you’re wondering how Fabio gets in and out of his chamber without his ideal woman partner who likes bugs, the description of this soft chamber says: “Occupants can utilize our highly durable chamber system without the assistance of a second person as it provides ease of entrance and exit without the use of straps.”

So, great. I guess we’ll buy that, then. I can’t wait to be young!