Queen Elizabeth Croaked

Queen Elizabeth has had quite an eventful couple of weeks for someone who is basically immobile at the moment. Not only did she have to cancel all her virtual appearances because she caught COVID-19 from her son and his wife, but for a few sensational hours on Wednesday, many people online believed her to be dead.

Fortunately for us, Her Majesty is alive and well (for a 95-year-old COVID patient). But, in a manner of speaking, she still croaked. The Daily Mail reports that the queen is “on the mend,” but canceling virtual engagements to rest her “croaky” voice and to recover from other cold-like symptoms. It’s unclear as to what palace insiders consider “croaky,” since the nearly century-old monarch rasps out her few remaining breaths even on a good day, but good for her for practicing self-care.

However, she was reportedly able to hold her regular telephone conference with Prime Minister Boris Johnson on Wednesday. I would advise her to draw a firmer boundary with Johnson, a man who I can only assume is constantly screaming, which is probably not good for the queen’s recovery. Sleep tight, Lilibet. May Her Majesty live to croak another day.