Like every year, several celebrities decided to end their marriages in 2021. Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kanye West, legally claiming that no amount of couples therapy could save their union. Kaley Cuoco said goodbye to her equestrian husband of three years, Karl Cook, after possibly hooking up with her co-star Pete Davidson, who is now definitely hooking up with Kardashian. Kate Bosworth wrote a prose poem about whiskey to announce she was separating from director Michael Polish after eight years of marriage. Who’s next?
Through rigorous tabloid analysis and careful study of celebrity divorce attorney Laura Wasser’s follow list on Instagram, we have determined that the following couples are on Celebrity Divorce Watch for 2022. We wish them speedy dissolutions and equitable divisions of their assets.
NICK JONAS AND PRIYANKA CHOPRA JONAS
In December 2018, pop star Nick Jonas, 29, and actress Priyanka Chopra Jonas, 39, were married in a much-hyped, multi-day extravaganza after knowing each other for a very short amount of time. Since then, they have told several interviewers that they have been having fun getting to know each other, a process that seems to be progressing slowly, if at all. According to Chopra Jonas, the couple doesn’t really live together: She has been working in London, while her husband is based in L.A. In March, she told Elle UK they make a point to see each other … every three weeks.
Recently, when Entertainment Tonight asked Chopra Jonas about the couple’s plans for the holidays this year, she offered the following. "I think we're still about building traditions," she said. "Our big tradition is trying to spend Christmas together because we're always doing so many things apart."
Also recently, Chopra Jonas changed her Instagram name from “Priyanka Chopra Jonas” to simply “Priyanka.” I think this contract is probably about to expire.
KRISTEN BELL AND DAX SHEPARD
This unfailingly public couple has had an interesting year. Kristen Bell, 41, has been spending a lot of time “working out” with her new Netflix co-star. Meanwhile, Dax Shepard, 46, has literally been taking “heavy testosterone injections” in a self-directed effort to become a “big boy.” And they have been fighting and oversharing about fighting as has become their custom. They even started hosting a new NBC show called Family Game Fight!, which I refuse to learn more about.
“Real talk,” Bell posted on Instagram in September. “I disagree with my husband on practically everything.”
Real talk: Get a divorce.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND JESSICA BIEL
Since Justin Timberlake, 40, publicly cheated on his wife Jessica Biel, 39, while she was pregnant with their second child in 2019, things have not, to my eye, improved. A tipster alleged to DeuxMoi last month that Timberlake was making out with a woman who was not Biel at a bar in Atlanta. (He was in town to film a movie called Reptile.) Star reports that Biel “is doing her best to ignore the rumors,” though friends are asking, “How much more humiliation can she take?”
In what I can only read as a cry for help, Biel recently launched a “vegan wellness brand” for children called Kinderfarms. And InTouch has proclaimed 2021 the worst year of Timberlake’s life, owing to the cheating rumors and Timberlake’s unflattering portrayal in a New York Times documentary about his 2004 Super Bowl performance with Janet Jackson.
But perhaps the clearest sign these two are looking to separate in the near future came in October, when the couple put their Hollywood Hills home on the market for $35 million. A source attempted to explain the decision to People this way: “They’re rarely in L.A. and are happy to live in Montana.” Sure.
TORI SPELLING AND DEAN MCDERMOTT
Troubled Hollywood heiress Tori Spelling, 48, has been loudly hinting for months now that she wants to divorce her husband of 16 years, Dean McDermott, 54. She did a pap stroll outside a divorce attorney’s office. She said on a podcast that she and McDermott sleep in separate beds. For Halloween, she dressed up like a dead bride. And last month, she shared her family’s Christmas card, which features Spelling, her five children, and no McDermott.
If these two don’t get on with it in 2022, I will file the paperwork myself.
WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT SMITH
I think we can all agree that when it comes to marriage, these two have seen enough.
SCARLETT JOHANSSON AND COLIN JOST
By all accounts, actress Scarlett Johansson, 37, and SNL “Weekend Update” co-host Colin Jost, 39, have a happy marriage. In fact, they welcomed their first child together this year, a baby boy named Cosmo. But I’m sorry to say that the data tells us this union is coming up on its expiration date.
Before Jost, Johansson was married twice, first to Ryan Reynolds, in 2008, and then to the French journalist/popcorn enthusiast Romain Dauriac, in 2014. Both marriages lasted about two years before ending in separation and divorce. Johansson and Jost were married in October 2020, so, tick tock. The good news is, if Johansson keeps up this place, she can knock out another two or three weddings before she turns 50.
