After a rash of rhubarb burglaries in a nondescript Iowa town, local residents set out to uncover the culprit — only to discover that the person behind the leafy larceny is exactly the kind of person you'd expect would steal someone else's hard-grown rhubarb.

"If the minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone and the mind of John Waters violently humped each other raw," is how Dlisted accurately describes this bundle of sunshine and neighbourliness.

Among her greatest hits: "You pinnochio fuckin' nose, go mind your own business"; "this is goddamn alley property, bitch"; "my lawn mower was stolen, bitch. By a fucking pig"; "Don't call me sweetheart, honeybun"; "you fuckin' lezzie"; and "you don't know how to cook anyway."

Shine on you crazy Rhubarb lady.

[H/T: Uproxx]