Candle Review: Carrière Frères “Lily of the Valley”

Many people are mourning the end of summer. I wish I could pretend I was one of them, to be relatable for the sake of this candle review, but I am not. I don’t like that it’s still 85 degrees every day, and I look forward to the coming autumnal chill; a time when I can wear my big pants by the door with a big sweatshirt, and have dinner in total darkness, like I like. But I am a magnanimous candle review king, and I know not all feel this way. So I would like to present a candle solution.

Sometimes at the end of summer, your brain can, if only for a moment, fool you into feeling that it is not about to be autumn and is instead the height of spring. As the weather cools but stays warm and wet, as the sun shines between cloud cover, the seasons blend together. You are at once young and old. Alive and dead. Smart and so stupid it makes me sick.

The feeling that it is spring when it is in fact September usually lasts only for a moment — when you’re walking the dog, or getting the mail. But what if it could last … for a few more moments than that? Perhaps with the help of Carrière Frères’s “Lily of the Valley” candle, it can. “Its enveloping note is floral and green,” says Carrière Frères, of its candle. “Stimulating and invigorating, it is full of joy: its fragrance is symbolic of a spring scent.”

Well, goddamn. Let’s see if it’s good.

IS THE CANDLE GOOD?

Do you ever smell something and then go, “UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHH,” because it smells so good? I do this when I huff my poisonous gasoline candle, and also when I huff this lily of the valley candle. Every time I do it my significant other rushes in to ask if I’m okay. Yes, I’m better than okay — I’m huffing my candles. PRIVATELY!

This candle is incredible. To be honest, I wouldn’t tell you about a candle if I didn’t like it (I’m a part of toxic positivity culture) (except for this review) (oh and this), but the fact is that I like this candle even more than the normal amount. Quite an honor for this candle, I think you’d agree.

DOES IT SMELL LIKE LILY OF THE VALLEY?

Yes. It smells like an angel after she took a bath. Smells like a damn fluffy sunshine nature flower cloud, which is not even something I normally look for in a candle (I normally look for fire dirt or old church). Smells like the color white and a really nice bathroom. Smells perfumy, but not in a way that’s giving me a migraine. Smells like lily of the valley, but a candle. Smells freaking good. Bury the Queen in this candle.

DOES IT BRING JOY?

Well, I don’t know. Does anything? I guess Austin Butler brought me joy in his portrayal of Elvis in Elvis. This will probably bring a little less joy than that, but through no fault of its own. It is merely a candle, and doesn’t even have hips.

DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE WE AREN’T ABOUT TO ENTER INTO SEVERAL MONTHS OF DARKNESS AND SORROW AND BONE-CHILLING COLD?

Oh my god so dramatic, but yes. I think if you light this candle on a sunny September afternoon, you can fool yourself for several minutes into thinking that autumn might never come. That maybe this time it’ll stay summer forever, and our dewy youth will remain, and the love in our heart won’t fade. And who knows, in the future maybe autumn will stop coming. But I assure you that you won’t be happy about it then.

BECAUSE WE’LL BE DEAD?

Well I meant because of climate change, but also yes eventually you won’t experience autumn anymore because you will be dead.

WHICH WILL COME FIRST?

I don’t know.

HOW MUCH DOES THE CANDLE COST?

$65. Some might tell you that this is too much for a candle, but like I said, death is imminent (one way or the other) so who cares.

FINAL REVIEW:

Great candle that I love. See you in autumn, if it comes, which it won’t, just kidding, it will (for some of us) (not the Queen) (RIP)!