Cinnamon Butter Seems More Difficult to Make Than I Anticipated

This morning I wanted to make toast with cinnamon butter, but I didn’t have any cinnamon butter on hand. (If you’re wondering why I didn’t just spread butter on my toast and then put cinnamon on top, well, “smart guy,” that is what I did, ultimately, and I’m curious if you clicked on this post with the intention to get upset at it.) (Did you do that?) (If so you may leave.)

(And I suggest you think about why you would make a decision to click on something just to dislike it. Look into your diseased psyche and figure out why you would click on this post about cinnamon butter — delicious cinnamon butter that has never done anything to harm you — by the writer Kelly Conaboy — beautiful and breathtakingly young Kelly Conaboy who only wants to bring people joy online — with the intention of copy-pasting the URL and sending it to a friend, saying, “This is why they brought back Gawker?” Or maybe you wanted to tweet, “Has anyone seen a good piece from the new gawker yet because this shit’s embarassing,” and yeah you’re the one who spelled embarrassing wrong there, not me, because you are fucking dumb. What are you, jealous? Loser. Get a life.)

Cinnamon butter — a delicious, soft confectionary blend of cinnamon and butter. You can usually find it at the farmer’s market, or in the store part of the combination apple orchard and pumpkin patch. I assumed it would be made by mixing cinnamon and butter, or maybe cinnamon, butter, and sugar. I could have lived my life thinking this was the recipe and I would have been fine. Maybe I would have thought: Why is this cinnamon butter worse than the kind you can buy? But I would have answered myself: Because you made it. And that answer would have sufficed.

Knowledge is unfortunately a mere click away, however, and in this scenario I could not resist her siren song.

“There are only 5 ingredients that make up this easy and delicious spread,” says the Recipe Rebel. “Only” five ingredients. Only five ingredients? I was going to quote more but they all say the same thing. Five ingredients? The ingredients across recipes are pretty much:

• Honey
• Cinnamon
• Powdered sugar
• Vanilla extract
• Butter

Slightly more difficult than I anticipated.

I didn’t make it, though I do have all of those ingredients. I had to get to work doing this post about bats. So instead I just sprinkled some cinnamon on top of some butter. I guess I should be be honest and say that I also added sugar. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but it was close enough, and often in life that’s the best you’re gonna get. Really, you should be grateful if you can have something that even approaches what you actually want. This goes for friends, partners, jobs, your home. If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, and in this case that’s cinnamon and sugar on buttered toast, instead of “cinnamon butter,” which is I guess something from the restaurant “Texas Roadhouse,” even though I generally just get this kind.

(Actually. That kind might be easier to make than the kind in these recipes, I don’t know.)