Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes. How do you measure, measure a year? How about — disappointments? Yes, the past year brought with it a gigantic set of fresh flops, as years often do. We know your biggest disappointment was that Mark Zuckerberg didn’t even make legs, and if you had to pick a second it would be that you didn’t get Taylor Swift tickets, but it’s our time now. Here are the staff of Gawker’s biggest disappointments of 2022.
Don’t Worry Darling Was Fine
“I was kind of disappointed that Don't Worry Darling was aggressively mid, just a completely fine movie, a B- at best. The funniest outcome from the months and months of PR chicanery would have either been: A) A truly horrible movie that was a complete and utter flop or B) An actual masterpiece soon to take up an entire shelf in the Criterion closet. Instead, it fell in the middle; it made enough money to (probably) keep Olivia Wilde out of director jail, I didn't regret buying a ticket, and I will never think about it again. I guess in some ways it's heartening that a totally average movie starring normal-ish people can still be a sleeper hit, but I was hoping for something else.” —Olivia Craighead, staff writer
The Queen Died
“The Queen dying was a boner kill for my career.” —Claire Carusillo, features writer
Clarence Thomas Didn’t Die
“Clarence Thomas still alive, no new Lil Tjay album, I didn't win the $2.04 billion powerball jackpot.” —Tarpley Hitt, staff writer
COVID-19 Is Still Here
“To be perfectly honest I thought we'd be kind of done with Covid at this point. I am not trying to make some kind of provocative political point, nor do I have any gripes with people who are taking Covid ‘too seriously’ or ‘not seriously enough.’ Unlike literally everyone else, I'm not a public health expert. I am just a 6'9" man with washboard abs who would like to never hear the words ‘variant’ or ‘surge’ ever again.” —George Civeris, senior editor
Bookforum Was Shuttered
“I had a different answer but it was just announced that Bookforum is being shuttered by their new owners so that is my actual answer. Sucks shit.” —Brandy Jenson, deputy editor
Elden Ring Was Annoying and Boring
“To be clear, I didn't play Elden Ring. I tried it out for all of ten minutes and got annoyed and put it down. But I hoped that in my lack of playing I could at least enjoy watching other people play, as I do with many video games that are too difficult for me to play. But no. I didn't like watching people play Elden Ring either. It gave me motion sickness.” —Fran Hoepfner, contributing writer
Leo DiCaprio and Camila Morrone Did Not Get Married
“I was really disappointed when Leo DiCaprio broke up with his 25-year-old girlfriend Camila Morrone in August. I thought they were gonna get married.” —Allie Jones, contributing writer
American Regional Accents Are Flattening
“It seems like American regional accents are flattening exponentially. Sad! I think regional accents are cool and important, because for instance they make it obvious who is from Boston. Go yanks.” —Darcie Wilder, social media editor
Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris Was Bad
“I was led to believe that Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris is an excellent film, and it is not.” —Jenny Zhang, features editor
Twitter Didn’t Go Away
“I know Twitter not going away is a hacky choice for a 2022 disappointment, but I was excited for something big to happen. It would have been such a thrill to wake up and find out that Twitter was gone. I love when everyone gets to experience something crazy together unrelated to disease or death or violations of human rights, like when the power went out at the Super Bowl in 2013. Would have been cool. Damn.” —Kelly Conaboy, senior writer
Still No Grilled Chicken Sandwich at McDonald’s
“McDonald's has still not come up with a replacement for the grilled chicken sandwich, which it discontinued in 2020. What am I supposed to eat besides the McDonald's grilled chicken sandwich? Ha-ha, that was a joke, there are many things to eat that I enjoy. But the McDonald's grilled chicken sandwich was great for a woman on the go. If you think about it, a grilled chicken sandwich is basically a protein bar. The McDonald's fried chicken sandwiches are good but they give me acid reflux. I miss the grilled chicken sandwich.” —Leah Finnegan, editor-in-chief
