Let’s Discuss ‘This Is Us’: Mother Is Pound of Ham

In the past, men are calling Mother “pound of ham.” In the “present,” we are in what used to be the future. Yes, the present always used to be the future, but this present was the future one episode ago. Will we ever go back to the old present? It seems like no. Our This Is Us family is now existing in a reality several years past our own. Time really does move fast, as Senator Brother (he’s a Senator now) said in his wedding speech. Let’s see if it has taken Mother’s life.

HAS MOTHER DIED?

No. She’s doing worse, though, cognitively, and her special friend is also ailing. It is not pleasant to watch, and makes one wonder why we are torturing ourelves this way when we could be doing just about anything else. But she at least managed to perform the most depressing song I have ever heard in my life at Sister’s wedding. Yay …

In the past, as we noted, men at the grocery store call Mother “pound of ham.” This is because she is stuck in her routine and always orders a pound of ham. (Routine is thematically important because in the present it is the only thing allowing Mother to function in everyday life.) To shake up her routine (in the past), she gets Princess Diana’s haircut. Whoa, mama! It looks worse than her normal haircut and the children laugh at her, so Undead Father shaves his beard into a mustache. Then they go to dinner and Mother plays piano.

WHAT WAS THE POINT?

That Undead Father likes their routine and that Mother isn’t boring.

AND HOW WAS SISTER’S WEDDING?

Oh, it was nice. It was at a vineyard. I guess the main thing about it was Actor Brother slept with someone the night before, and on the day of the wedding Senator Brother’s wife and the mother of Actor Brother’s children attempted unsuccessfully to find out who it was. It seems to be one of three women, either: the wedding singer, Not Keri Russell, or Actor Brother’s childhood ex-wife. I guess we are to assume the woman Actor Brother slept with is his future wife, from later, when Mother is dead.

IS THERE A CLUE AS TO WHO IT IS?

No, but if it’s the fuckin wedding singer we are all going to be pissed. We don’t know that bitch.

AND HOW IS SENATOR BROTHER?

He’s having a particularly hard time with Mother’s illness, almost as if it is affecting him the most. Um, guess what Senator Brother? It’s affecting all of us — equally. You don’t have a monopoly on Mother-related sadness. We’re all in mourning for the Mother that Mother used to be. And you should be nicer to her special friend. He just wanted to drink wine!

Also, at the wedding, Senator Brother gave a nice speech about how we’re all speeding toward death. All right, man. He’s clearly going through it.

AND WAS UNCLE THERE?

He was.

Next week: More sadness.