Scott Adams—the man behind everyone’s favorite suicidal coffee mug adornment—has some thoughts he’d like to share with the world. No, this time it’s not about how much of a genius he is (not to brag). Nor is it about how rapes aren’t the rapist’s fault (they can’t help themselves!). Instead, today, Scott Adams would like to take a moment to talk to you about ISIS and the root cause of its many evils—otherwise known as women.

Consider Adams’ very first paragraph (after the one asking you to vote for an award he’s been nominated for, not that he cares about awards) in a post titled “Global Gender War”:

I wonder if the discussion of so-called radical Islam is disguising the fact that male-dominated societies are at war with female-dominated countries. Correct me if I’m wrong, but Islam doesn’t look so dangerous in countries where women can vote.

So-called radical Islam. So-called.

Here, Adams is alleging that—maybe, just maybe—there is only one type of Islam after all. And what we consider to be the radical, fundamentalist sort is actually just a natural product of... what, exactly? Great question, but hold on while he explains his hypothetical dating life.

When we get home, access to sex is strictly controlled by the woman. If the woman has additional preferences in terms of temperature, beverages, and whatnot, the man generally complies. If I fall in love and want to propose, I am expected to do so on my knees, to set the tone for the rest of the marriage.

Personally, I don’t go on dates. So the story above is just an example. But if I go to dinner with a female business associate, the story usually plays out the same way. The difference is that she might pick up the check if we are talking business, and the night ends earlier.

In other words, poor, wealthy, white Scott Adams and his ilk are at the mercy of a cruel, domineering matriarchy. Which is fine, because in return, poor, wealthy, white Scott Adams gets laid.

Now, hold on to that thought briefly while Scott Adams goes on a tirade about not being allowed to go on enough tirades.

Women have made an issue of the fact that men talk over women in meetings.... But for full context, I interrupt anyone who talks too long without adding enough value. If most of my victims turn out to be women, I am still assumed to be the problem in this situation, not the talkers.

... My point is that men are assumed guilty in this country. We don’t even explore their alibis. (And watch the reaction to even bringing up the topic.)

In accordance with Adams’ own practice, allow me to interrupt.

To hear him tell it, our world is just bursting with laconic men holding their tongues until they have something of value to say. And yet, somehow, Scott Adams goes on.

After explaining how “lonely boys tend to be suicidal when the odds of future female companionship are low,” he says this:

So if you are wondering how men become cold-blooded killers, it isn’t religion that is doing it. If you put me in that situation, I can say with confidence I would sign up for suicide bomb duty. And I’m not even a believer. Men like hugging better than they like killing. But if you take away my access to hugging, I will probably start killing, just to feel something. I’m designed that way. I’m a normal boy. And I make no apology for it.

Take sex away from Scott Adams, and you might as well send him off packing to join ISIS. Because either way, he will start killing. It’s just science.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. Image via AP.