Language has been called "mankind's greatest invention," tied for first place alongside Chicken Fries, which are back. The bronze, then, must surely go to writing: a system by which the fleeting echoes of speech are captured and made visible, so that the ephemeral may be recreated with absolute accuracy by strangers across oceans and lifetimes. "There is no greater agony," said Maya Angelou, "than bearing an untold story inside you." This is The Emoji Tatler.

What follows is a news headline from today, re-written in the modern pictographic language known as "Emoji." Lines 1 and 2 establish the characters. Line 3 is the headline itself. (As with hierogylphs, the same Emoji symbol can be interpreted in multiple ways.) Read it to discover a piece of urgent celebrity news.

Having trouble interpreting this story? The source text for this edition of The Emoji Tatler can be found hidden in plain sight somewhere online. If you, a kindergarten graduate, are unable to decipher the meaning of these pictures, we encourage you to check back at 2 p.m., when this post will be updated to include a translation in Roman characters.

Thank you for

Translation:

Line 1: Female Movie Star Lips Girl Interrupted (Angelina Jolie)

Line 2: Male Movie Star Fight Club (Brad Pitt)

Line 3: "Angelina Jolie Looks Sporty in Shorts on Yacht Trip With Brad Pitt Post-Wedding"

Source text: Us Weekly

[Art by Jim Cooke // Emoji via Slack]