Language has been called "mankind's greatest invention," tied for first place alongside Chicken Fries, which are back. The bronze, then, must surely go to writing: a system by which the fleeting echoes of speech are captured and made visible, so that the ephemeral may be recreated with absolute accuracy by strangers across oceans and lifetimes. "There is no greater agony," said Maya Angelou, "than bearing an untold story inside you." This is The Emoji Tatler.

Thousands of years ago, the ancient Egyptians used a standardized series of hieroglyphic symbols called mdw'w-nṯr ("god's words") to disseminate celebrity gossip. Today, we do the same thing, but inside of a computer somehow. Nothing ever changes, except computers, which are constantly updating their Adobe Flash programs. This is The Emoji Tatler.