Homeless Man Robs Bank for One Dollar to Get Free Health Care in Jail

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Neetzan Zimmerman

08/26/13 02:55PM

Filed to: Health Care

Authorities in Oregon say a homeless man who held up a bank for $1 was just looking for a way to go to jail so he could receive free health care.

According to Clackamas County sheriff's deputies, 50-year-old Tim Alsip entered a Bank of America in Southeast Portland last Friday morning and handed the teller a note that read, "This is a holdup. Give me a dollar."

A spokesperson for the Sheriff's Office told KGW Alsip had spent a week trying to get himself locked up, going so far as to phone 911 to report himself.

Alsip, who told deputies he needed medical care for unspecified ailments, was found sitting on the floor of the bank's lobby waiting to be arrested.

He was subsequently booked into Clackamas County Jail on suspicion of robbery charges.

[H/T: Scallywag & Vagabond, photo via Shutterstock, mug shot via CCSO]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

keverdene Neetzan Zimmerman 08/26/13 03:02PM

I mean, Taystee violated her parole just so she could work in a library, so I think I'm fine with this.

stacyinbean keverdene 08/26/13 03:09PM

Yeah, but who's his Poussey?

911Ducktail keverdene 08/26/13 03:14PM

spoiler alert that shit if it actually happend. not cool for those of us just seeing her get out

keverdene 911Ducktail 08/26/13 03:23PM

Don't worry, it's not a huge plot point.

(And I'm so sorry!)

911Ducktail keverdene 08/26/13 03:28PM

its all good. i just have a feeling its the episode Im about to watch next, lol.

I do think it would be an interesting topic though - when someone like Netflix releases a season all at once, how do you deal with talking about it in public. Like I ran through all of arrested development in like 2 days, and its impossible to talk to anyone without a cat and mouse game to figure out where they are - I have friends who refused to binge watch it (they suck, all of them) and its impossible to crack jokes with them without ruining the suprise

PudgyDaddy Neetzan Zimmerman 08/26/13 02:59PM

If you're going to rob a bank with the intention of getting caught, why not break the bank, steal as much as possible, and try to get away with the money, which you could then use to pay for health care while still being free. If you get caught, you go to jail and still get the free health care that you planned for in the first place. Win - win.

Drew PudgyDaddy 08/26/13 03:03PM

Maybe he's too ill to really think it through so analytically...

cheerful_exgirlfriend PudgyDaddy 08/26/13 03:05PM

Unless you are the Ocean's 11 (15??!! what number are we up to??) you will only get a few grand at best and medical costs add up quick.

Without health insurance, that my family of 3 pays $1500/month for, my broken ankle and subsequent surgery would be in the 50K ballpark by now.

KarenDelaneyWalker PudgyDaddy 08/26/13 03:05PM

Because some people don't actually like to commit crimes. It sounds like he was at the end of his rope, and he didn't want to actually commit the crime, but he needed the help. I've said in the past to friends that if I was a homeless person with no other options, I would commit some small crime so that I could go to jail and get a place over my head and food in my belly, but I don't want to commit a crime that would actually hurt anyone else or anything.

Archetype PudgyDaddy 08/26/13 03:07PM

Maybe he has one of those things called a conscience.

I'm sure there's a pill for that, though.

JohnMcClanesSmirk Neetzan Zimmerman 08/26/13 03:07PM

Judges should be allowed to consider reduced sentences for crimes that double as scathing allegories of America's warped priorities. I would support this.

corey3rd Neetzan Zimmerman 08/26/13 03:08PM

This will soon become the retirement plan for many people who realize their 401K is a dud that earned their broker more money than they'll ever get to tap. Get a gun, discharge it into the ceiling during the robbery, collect a few bucks and then it's the State Retirement Home for you!

apeshapedman corey3rd 08/26/13 03:37PM

This is almost exactly my retirement plan. I suspect I will wait for the police to arrest after pummeling the most deserving person I can find once my retirement funds expire (likely decades before I expire.)

I wonder who my future pummlee will be...