Suppose one night a witch came to you in a dream and presented you with the following proposition: You can have minor fame and a reasonable prenup if you marry Johnny Depp. But someday, when the time comes, you may have to go to jail for him because he needed a pair of dumb dogs with him on set to “focus,” whatever that means. Would you do it? Honestly, it doesn’t really matter if you would because someone has already taken your place: poor, sweet Amber Heard.

Does Depp sleep easy at night knowing his fall guy is bound not only by the vows of holy matrimony but also the full strength and force of Australian extradition laws? I’d guess yeah, he’s got that kind of face.

“You and your wife got into some legal trouble,” Jimmy Kimmel asked Depp last night. “Is that a fair way to describe it?”

“I mean, if that’s legal trouble, it’s by far the most interesting I’ve ever experienced,” Depp responded.

I don’t care what happens because my wife is taking the fall, ultimately, he maybe said—can you prove he didn’t?

“We were under the impression we had all the paperwork done for the dogs. We were there with the dogs in front of everybody,” he said. “There might have been other things smuggled. They seemed to miss that bit.”

Also charge my wife with drug smuggling!!!! he begged authorities.

“This sort of weird sweaty ... gutman who decided that two ... teacup Yorkshire terriers would harm the country in some way — he’s got a point,” he added, making the audience laugh.

“Especially when you consider that Australia has the most poisonous creatures on Earth.”

Take my wife!!! Please!!!

Disturbing image via AP. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.