The Baby Name Critic was just eleven when Princess Diana died. It was a horrible day. Diana was like a fictional aunt to her, and even inspired her to get into the academic field of Baby Name Criticism (royals really do have the best time dredging up arcane names from the past for their children, and also giving their kids 19 middle names). When Diana died, the royal family lost most of its panache. Even Waity Katie can't really make up for the void Diana left, no matter how good her blowout is.

This is why the Baby Name Critic is thankful for the Kardashians: They are the royal family America never knew it wanted, or needed. Forget presidential families as our royals; Chelsea Clinton, a robot, was never going to be caught in Vegas wearing a Nazi costume and Malia and Sasha Obama, those precious teens, should be kept in a impermeable bubble so no press or men can get to them at least for ten years. The Kardashians, meanwhile, are a product of America's two favorite things, capitalism and sex. They are beautiful, wacky, stupid, funny, and entertaining. They are ours, and they own us. Every single time.

There was a slight chance Kourtney Kardashian might have given her new baby with Scott Disick a relatively normal (i.e. existent) but buzzy name. My money was on Isis or Ferguson. But no. Kourtney has laid down her cards, and along with her cards, her baby: Reign Aston Disick. And thus, we now have our baby Kardashian King to whom we bow. I believe Reign will grow up not just to own a very successful custom sock company like his uncle Rob but will also likely rule the free market economy. Perhaps he will be a Nobel Laureate. Anything is possible for this child, whose name is synonymous with power, prestige, expensive shit, and the social caste system.

All hail Reign Disick.

This has been Baby Name Critic.

Leah Finnegan is Gawker's Baby Name Critic.

[Pic via Instagram]