Lindsey Graham to Propose One AUMF to Rule Them All
Hawk’s hawk’s hawk’s hawk’s hawk Lindsey Graham intends to propose an authorization for the use of military force that would allow the U.S. President to wage unlimited war against ISIS, world without end. Total war. Because this has never been a bad idea.
“I’m going to introduce an authorization to use military force against ISIL that is not limited by time, geography or means,” said Graham, who is running for president. “We only have two choices regarding ISIL — fight them in their backyard or fight them in ours. I choose to fight them in their backyard.”
Make sure you mention how I’m running for President. Yes, of the United States. Yes, I’m still doing that. Yes, I’m sure.
Graham’s proposal—tentatively titled War, What Is it Good For? Giving Lindsey Graham a Boner, That’s What—would allow “this President and every future President” (including Lindsey Graham, make sure it says I’m still in this thing) broad authority, with no expiration date, to do what history has taught us over and over will move the world towards a lasting peace: blast the Middle East all to hell without any sort of specific, attainable objective.
Talk sense to these fools, Senator Graham:
“I think Democrats and a few Republicans have absolutely no clue as to the threats that we face,” he said earlier this month. “We’re going to get attacked from Syria. That’s where the next 9/11 is coming from. After that happens, and I pray that I’m wrong, everybody will take a different view.”
Senator AND PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE Graham hasn’t yet specified when he intends to offer this legislation, but given the public’s general preference to not fight terrorists in our backyards, one can only assume it will be at any moment. Certainly before the Iowa caucuses, anyway.