Mom Punishes Tween by Turning Her into the Coolest Girl in School
A Utah woman who hoped to teach her daughter a lesson about bullying succeeded only in turning her into the coolest, chicest girl on the block last week.
FOX-affiliate KSTU reports that, prior to her “punishment,” 10-year-old, Kaylee—whose last name was initially withheld to protect her privacy but is now being withheld just because she’s so fucking cool she doesn’t even need a last name, like Iman or Aaliyah—had spent the past few weeks establishing dominance on the playground by making fun of another student’s clothes. Kaylee’s mother said her daughter would tell the sleazily dressed girl she dressed “like a sleaze,” and called her names. The issue came to a head when a teacher emailed Kaylee’s mom and revealed the taunted student no longer wanted to come to school.
However, when Kaylee’s mother confronted her daughter about the mean comments, she found that Kaylee was unapologetic. If Kaylee were a hashtag, she would be #sorrynotsorry. If Kaylee were a Real Housewife, her opening line would be “I love making friends, enemies, and my own money. The only thing I don’t like making is apologies.”
So Kaylee’s mom decided to force her daughter to walk in the other girl’s unfashionable shoes: She bought $50 worth of clothing from a local thrift store and made Kaylee wear it to school two days in a row.
Now, Kaylee thought the clothes were embarrassing. She told a reporter that she cried when she saw the things she would be forced to wear. She said that her classmates made comments “behind [her] back” when they saw her outfits.
But, in fact, Kaylee looked great. The chicest hipster Murray, Utah had ever seen. A manic pixie Swedish barista. One day, she wore a navy dress with a cranberry Peter Pan collar that would probably retail for $89 on Mod Cloth. Another day, she she wore a red floral jumpsuit and it was like “Wow, when did Rihanna join this 5th grade Accelerated Math class?”
Kaylee’s mom took pictures of her daughter posing in front of a tree in her vintage finds, presumably to immortalize her awkward tween shame. The photos ended up looking like album art for Kaylee’s critically acclaimed dream pop demo, or pages from a very au courant lookbook. Even her shiny blonde hair was on point. I don’t know how many ways I can say that Kaylee’s steez was off the heez before you get it, you sleazy skank.
In the wake of her two day brush with avant-garde fashion, Kaylee confirmed she had learned not to be a bully “because it’s stupid and it’s mean.”
Whatever, Kaylee. The only thing stupid is how great you look. Stupid great.
