CDC Alert: Heat Italian-Style Meat Until "Steaming"

The Center for Disease Control sure has a lot on its plate right now, and that plate is a butcher block grazing board with a salami river that guests are not allowed to touch until it’s been heated to a safe 165 degrees Fahrenheit, I guess.

The CDC is investigating two outbreaks of salmonella linked to salami, prosciutto, and other “Italian-style meats.” Their most recent numbers show 36 illnesses and 12 hospitalizations involving said Italian-style meats across 17 states. The investigations are ongoing, and officials are working to identify if the outbreaks are linked to the same production source. The agency put out this dire warning on Twitter accompanied by an image of an expertly composed charcuterie board:

So until the CDC identifies which salami is making people sick, we need to boil up our cold salami and sausage until “steaming hot.” But I have a hard time paying attention to any of that due to that hot little number of a stock image of cheese plate. Why did the long-suffering CDC social media team have to make that spread look so good, so nourishing, so cold?

Looks like a little prosciutto in the bottom right, no? And some salame calabrese with a little paprika? Genoa salami up on top? Speck wrapped around a semolina wheat specialty breadstick? A sprig of basil, plucked right from the clamshell packaging in the crisper drawer? I don’t want steamed grey meat for Labor Day, I want this, straight from the fridge, not even sweating a little bit in the late summer sun.

I got the vaccine, obviously, but now the CDC is just making reckless decisions that impact public health.