Palest Man Alive, Jared Kushner, Is Going to Get So Sunburnt

You can only work in politics for so long before you want to start making real money. That’s what Jared Kushner has realized, as he is planning to launch his own investment firm in the coming months. The gangly son-in-law to Donald Trump was apparently tired of being evil in the public sector, and has moved on to being evil in the financial sector, which is a more profitable enterprise (if you’re not smart enough to combine the two, like the Founding Fathers intended).

Kushner’s investment firm, Affinity Partners, will be located in Miami, where he has been living with his family while “writing” a “book” about his triumphant time in the White House. Reuters reports that he is also looking to open an office in Israel. I hope he and Ivanka aren’t too attached to Cherry Garcia.

What Kushner does is up to him and most likely Ivanka, and he seems to have made up his mind. He’s all in on whatever darkness happens behind the closed doors of an investment firm.

Between his dad buying Jared’s way into Harvard, his curious conversations the Russian Ambassador in the lead up to and after the election, him and Ivanka making millions in outside income while also working in the White House, using WhatsApp to do official government business, and buying a newspaper at 25 with no experience in journalism, I’m sure his new venture will go off without a hitch.

I’d wager that Kushner is very happy right now, seeing as he has a new job and has not yet been subpoenaed by the Department of Justice to testify before Congress at the Capitol riot hearings. For now, everything’s coming up Kush, and that will probably continue to be the case until he has to answer to St. Peter.