Pepsi Blazing New Frontiers in Nasty Soda Combinations
With the exception of Diet Mtn Dew, most of the so-called beverages produced by the Pepsi Corporation are little more than bubbly carcinogens that aren't even fun, like smoking. Now, the Pepsi Corporation is offering you more nasty soda flavors than ever before.
Unsatisfied with merely deluging America in liquefied stale aspartame in cans and bottle, the Pepsi Corporation has now invented a machine, the "Spire," which allows you to mix and match Pepsi flavors in wondrous new ways.
The largest Spire machine offers more than 1,000 combinations by allowing consumers to choose a base brand, Diet Pepsi, for example, and then add up to three flavor shots from a selection that includes cherry, vanilla, strawberry, raspberry, lemon and lime.
That's where PepsiCo's flavor scientists came in. "You can invent your own beverage and the machine won't allow you to create a terrible concoction," [PepsiCo president-global beverages group Brad] Jakeman said, citing Mtn Dew with vanilla as his personal favorite.
Why the hell would I listen to a damn thing that a man who wants to pour vanilla in his Mtn Dew has to say?
Go to hell, Pepsi. They love cherry raspberry lemon Pepsi there.
