Thousands of years ago, the ancient Egyptians used a standardized series of hieroglyphic symbols called mdw'w-nṯr ("god's words") to disseminate celebrity gossip. Today, we do the same thing, but inside of a computer somehow. Nothing ever changes, except computers, which are constantly updating their Adobe Flash programs. This is The Emoji Tatler.

What follows is a news headline from today, re-written in the modern pictographic language known as "Emoji." Lines 1 and 2 establish the characters. Line 3 is the headline itself. (As with hierogylphs, the same Emoji symbol can be interpreted in multiple ways.) Read it to discover a piece of urgent celebrity news.

Having trouble interpreting this story? The source text for this edition of The Emoji Tatler can be found hidden in plain sight somewhere online. If you, like an idiot, are unable to decipher the meaning conveyed by this Emoji broadsheet, we encourage you to check back at 12 p.m., when this post will be updated to include a translation in Roman characters.

Thank you for

Translation:

Line 1: Female Star of Film The Hunger Games (Jennifer Lawrence)

Line 2: Blonde Male Singer and Piano Player Cold Play (Chris Martin)

Line 3: "They were super cute together': Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin 'spotted enjoying a romantic dinner date'"

Source text: Daily Mail

[Art by Jim Cooke // Emoji via Slack]