A lawless goat—or a billy the kid, if you will—is currently in custody in New Jersey on a litany of charges, including disorderly behavior, trespass, and first-degree larceny (for stealing my damn heart.)

Paramus cops say they "responded to calls of a disorderly goat headbutting a door in the Beech Lane area of town" on Sunday morning.

According to the police report, the smirking ball of fur attempted to flee but eventually got picked up "running in the roadway." He remains in custody, both with animal control and on my computer as a screensaver.

Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.