A Seattle man tripping on LSD went down as the world's weirdest burglar this weekend after he unleashed his hallucinations on an unsuspecting neighbors' apartment.

Watch out for that cougar! Fox is trying to reboot the 24 franchise with a "limited series" of 13 episodes. The timing is perfect - both Keifer Sutherland and Elisha Cuthbert's series were canceled this week.

The History Channel has decided to cancel its 8-part miniseries The Kennedys, starring Katie Holmes, because the "dramatic interpretation is not a fit" for the channel. Good! The show was developed by the guy behind right-wing torture fetish show 24.

The finale of Law & Order drew 7.6 million viewers last night, which is only about 500K viewers more than average. 24's finale attracted 8.9 million viewers, which was fewer people than the week before. Guess that's why they're canceled?

Today at Gawker.TV, Russell Brand discusses Venus Williams' behind, Real Housewives' Teresa goes through labor on her cell phone, and we say farewell to 24 for good and How I Met Your Mother and Chuck until next fall.

After eight seasons, 24 has reached its end. In the last two minutes of the series finale Jack tells Chloe that he's fleeing the country, Chloe promises to protect his family and then, in Liz Lemon fashion, she shuts it down.

The almost-nine-minute mini-movie for M.I.A.'s single "Born Free" came out today and it's already been taken down from YouTube in the U.S. It's definitely NSFW, but it's also her latest attempt to drum up some attention.

Lest you think that Jack Bauer is some kind of sexist, going around torturing only male terrorists to get vital intel, here's some proof to the contrary. Bonus: Freddie Prinze Jr. encouraging Chloe to let Jack do his thing.

Between the hours of 5 and 6PM on the eighth day of his anti-terror torture spree, pretend CIA Agent Jack Bauer will be ordered to stand down from your TV set. What should he do next?

It's true, he's very rich. Also today: A romantic comedy duo for the ages, a softer approach from a 24 man, Nickelodeon has deep pockets, and The Hobbit begins its journey!

This is not about Ben! Ben Smith is the most tolerable person at The Politico. He works very hard, and he deserves to have people on TV mention his name as if it is no big thing. It is about how the internet has been around for almost 100 internet-years now, and TV is still scared of it and stupid about it.

Tag-related Hulu humor, will it ever cease to be amusing? No. Never. Kiefer Sutherland's TV show of stress, yelling, and enhanced interrogation techniques gets a thumbs down. [via ThePriceofEggsinMalta]

It's Blonde on Blonde as Katherine Heigl revives an abandoned Reese Witherspoon project. Rachel Weisz is in a spooky murder film. Howard Stern really is in talks to judge American Idol. God help us all, it's the Trade Roundup.

In this never-aired, extended secret scene from 24, Jack Bauer interrogates the most jolly terrorist of them all: Santa.

• Sarah Palin's memoir is officially No. 1 on the US bestseller list, alas. [NYT]
• A Swiss court has granted bail to director Roman Polanski. [Times UK]
• Oprah will sit down with the president as part of a Christmas special. [THR]
• All that drama at the AMAs is boosting sales of Glambert's new album. [LAT]
• Related: Is there a double-standard when it comes to gay performers on network television? CBS's Early Show asks the question, then answers it. [HP]
• Fox is looking forward to the return of Idol and 24 in a few weeks. [NYT]
• New Moon has a lock on the long weekend box office, not surprisingly. [LAT]
• Carla Bruni-Sarkozy on her decision to appear in Woody Allen's next film: "Maybe I will be terrible. But, in my life, I cannot let such a chance go." [BN]

Kiefer Sutherland's headbutt of Jack McCollough may have far-reaching consequences, and not just because Kiefer will probably face assault charges in connection with the incident. The eighth season of 24 is set to begin taping any day now, but if Sutherland has to do time behind bars, that may totally mess up the production schedule! Then again, there's always the possibility that Kiefer could take a cue from the show and figure out a way to solve all of his legal problems—as well as bust a few terrorists and save a few lives—in less than an hour, in which case all will turn out okay. [THR]

Kiefer Sutherland's going to surrender to New York police to answer an assault complaint after head-butting a designer at SubMercer the other night. This could end in torture for Sutherland's show, 24. Such delightful turnabout!

Is it awkward being an outspoken liberal actress on 24, the show so obscenely and corrosively torture-happy that the dean of West Point said its brutal fantasies were poisoning the minds of young soldiers?

What do you get Kiefer Sutherland for his birthday? Apparently, not a transvestite stripper—the National Enquirer says he's already had one of those.

Ratings: Tarnished Golden Globes, torturous numbers for 24 premiere. [THR]