Since Silicon Valley has so few real celebrities, why not go crazy for the ones we have: Dancing With the Stars premieres in one week with Apple co-founder (and Kathy Griffin ex) Steve "Woz" Wozniak.

• Jerry Seinfeld has a new project in the works for NBC. The Marriage Ref will feature celebs "judging couples in the midst of marital disputes." [THR]
• The Times is scaling back the number of issues it publishes of T. [NYP]
• The Gray Lady does say it has enough cash to last through '09, though. [E&P]
• Denver's Rocky Mountain News is shutting down on Friday. [AP]
• Fox has renewed The Simpsons for two more seasons. [Variety]
• ABC collected $72 million for the 26 minutes of ad time it sold during the Oscars. Overall, ad spending fell by 10 percent this year, though. [TVW, NYT]
• Doubledown Media, which ceased operations recently, is bankrupt. [MM]
• You can now download CBS shows to your iPhone. Enjoy. [NYT]

If you are not watching the heroic men and women keeping our borders safe in the dramatic ABC show Homeland Security, then realize that you are missing the single most asinine show on television.

Careful what you Twitter! Blogger Ben Leventhal savaged Julia Allison for a brainless tweet. George Stephanopoulos denied inhaling at a White House dinner. And Kurt Andersen just shouldn't have typed anything. Today's 140-character mistakes:

A plugged-in tipster directed us to the freshly-uploaded YouTube video above, in which Rosenblat speaks to an unseen interviewer. He could be talking to a GMA producer in a pre-interview, doing media training with a publicist, who knows. (The video is carried in a YouTube channel named after Rosenblat, although the title of this video curiously misspells his last name.)

• Ad pages for monthly magazines in March dropped by 26 percent. [Crains]
• Sirius XM has reached a deal with Liberty Media to avoid bankruptcy. [NYT]
• What Bristol Palin had to say in her interview with Greta Van Susteren. [ABC]
• Not surprisingly, local news stations covered A-Rod's press conference today in lieu of President Obama's signing of the stimulus bill. [THR]
• A look at Politico and "the brave new world of post-print journalism." [TNR]
• Barbara Walters at a breakfast this morning with 60 Minutes's Steve Kroft and Ken Auletta: "I think the only programs that will still be there as they are now in 10 years are the morning shows." How convenient. [Portfolio]
• Thanks to the popularity of Slumdog Millionaire, ABC is thinking about reviving Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? during primetime. [NYT]

Ideally it would have been great to see Jimmy Kimmel come out and cut Nightline's throat in his just-released interview with Broadcasting & Cable. But! There remain some jagged edges in his late-night diplomacy.

• ABC is scrambling to find advertisers for the Oscars. [AdWeek]
• The New York Times takes a delicate look at Carlos Slim Helú today, the media mogul who also happens to have bailed out the paper last month. [NYT]
• Sam Donaldson is retiring from ABC News next week. [WP]
• Tina Brown's advice to young journalism students: Go to India. [HuffPo]
• BlackBook is cutting staff and reducing its frequency to stay afloat. [P6]
• Tim and Nina Zagat are launching a Zagat guide for doctors. [NYT]
• Friday the 13th was No. 1 at the box office this weekend. [THR]
• Alfred A. Knopf Jr. died over the weekend at the age of 90. [NYT]
• Project Runway may return to the air later this year. [WWD]

Well, that was a nice while it lasted. News that Grey's Anatomy powerkvetchers Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight had left the show—Heigl off to various slumcom pursuits, Knight to, um—appears to have been premature.

The return of Ol' Smokey on Lost answered one of the drama's many questions (at least for us): What exactly is the Monster? Guilty of loving too much, that's what!

In this economy, ABC can't afford to only let go every gay, gay-adjacent, or gay-hating actor on Grey's Anatomy. Other ABC series are feeling the burn, and two newly departing actors were announced today.

It's amazing that people still think they get a do-over on the Internet. Weight-loss consultant Renee Stephens blamed her husband's boorish behavior on ABC's Wife Swap on "stress" — then unpublished her pseudo-apology.

ABC unveiled the cast of Dancing with the Stars last night, and in a flight of artsy-fartsy-fancy, we've paired them with a choreographer from history we think could best serve them throughout the competition.

In your temperate Monday media column: How ABC landed the octuplet-grandma "scoop," yet another plan to save the NYT, journalism lives(?), and a magazine dies (no question):

San Francisco residents Stephen Fowler, a venture capitalist, and Renee Stephens, a weight-loss therapist, disastrously appeared on ABC's Wife Swap, confirming every stereotype one might have about the city's precious, spoiled environmentalists. Boy, they're sorry!

What the Oscars lack in viewership will be made up for in spectacle—everything from Judd Apatow's sprawling A Salute to Penis to a Busby Berkeley-esque number placing Hugh Jackman inside a circle of scissor-kicking aboriginal-wind-spirits.

AICN got breakdowns for ABC's pilot remake of V, about reptilian aliens who descend on L.A. pretending to be peaceful, before unhinging their jaws and swallowing us alive. (It's loosely based on the CAA story.)

· 2 Dance 2 Flyiest star Channing Tatum was cast in The Brotherhood of the Rose, about two orphans raised by a CIA operative to become orphan-killing-machines. It's only loosely based on Maddox Pitt-Jolie's life. [Variety]

Disney-ABC TV president Anne Sweeney sent out one of those stomach-dropping memos today, informing employees that 400 would be let go—from every division, and running all the way up the flagpole. It's after the jump.

• ABC is reportedly thinking about giving Jimmy Kimmel the Nightline slot, putting him in competition with Conan when he takes over for Leno. [NYT]
• ABC News is cutting 35; Disney-ABC TV is dismissing 300. [TVN, THR]
• Congressional Quarterly is for sale. [WSJ]
• The Washington Post is dropping Book World as a Sunday section. [WP]
• AOL is laying off around 700 employees, or 10% of its work force. [WSJ]
• Ex-MTV prez Christina Norman will run Oprah's new TV network. [THR]