academia

Horny English Profs Seek Dirty Conference Fantasy Sex on Craigslist

Adam Weinstein · 01/10/14 03:59PM

Are you an aspiring PhD in English seeking a coveted tenure-track job? Chances are you'll be in Chicago this weekend for the annual Modern Language Association convention, and you'll be stressed. Why not "indulge in a little stress-relief fantasy role-play" with a successful libidinous leader in your field?

Hamilton Nolan · 10/31/13 02:44PM

A study says that people whose Ph.D dissertations covered more than one field earn less money than "those who completed dissertations in a single field."

Recession Finally Reaches Law School Professors

Hamilton Nolan · 08/12/13 02:52PM

Law school, long a cushy institution that charged steep prices in exchange for steeper rewards, is seeing its popularity crumble along with the job prospects of law school graduates. Now, it seems, the crisis's claws are sinking into the most vulnerable victims: law school professors.

Creationist Astronomy Professor's Class Should Be Easy

Hamilton Nolan · 07/09/13 12:16PM

Ball State University has hired a new astronomy professor: Guillermo Gonzalez, who was denied tenure at his last school because he believes in intelligent design. It's a good ol' time in the science lab, ahoy!

Professor Fired Just for Asking a Female Student to Suck His Dick

Hamilton Nolan · 06/10/13 09:46AM

In the good old days, college students had respect for their elders. But now, it seems, we live in a time when it's considered "okay" for a tenured professor to be dismissed from his job just for suggesting that a student suck his dick. Has political correctness gone too far?

Hamilton Nolan · 05/13/13 03:02PM

"While the college is not commenting on why Ferguson was dismissed, he said it was 'absolutely' related to the student's unorthodox use of a chicken in art."

Conservative Scholars' Investigation Says Bowdoin College Is Awesome

Tom Scocca · 04/11/13 04:57PM

Here's your latest in identity politics and victimology: One day not quite three years ago, Thomas Klingenstein, a rich white man, found himself playing golf with Barry Mills, the president of Bowdoin College. They were reportedly discussing the state of higher education and Klingenstein, by his own account, told Mills that he believed today's colleges provide "too much celebration of racial and ethnic difference (particularly as it applies to blacks), and not enough celebration of our common American identity." After that encounter, Mills went on to tell the story in a convocation speech, without using Klingenstein's name, to describe the estrangement between contemporary conservatives and liberal academia.

Epicenter of Evil (Harvard University) in Quiz Team Cheating Scandal

Hamilton Nolan · 03/22/13 09:05AM

Last night, the Harvard University men's basketball team—considered scrappy underdogs in this, but no other, field—upset New Mexico in the NCAA tournament, to the exclusive delight of Harvard alumni. Yet today, in a bit of reassuring proof of the existence of karmic justice, comes news of a Harvard cheating scandal. HIDE YOUR SHAME, HARVARD DEVIANTS: your quiz bowl team was dirty.

Publisher Sues College Librarian for Saying Publisher Sucks

Hamilton Nolan · 02/08/13 11:15AM

A well-known principle of academic debate is, "If someone challenges your intellectual credentials, the best way to prove them wrong is to try to sue them into oblivion." So it goes for the poor college librarian who's being sued for millions of dollars over a blog post disparaging an academic publisher. (Ironically, no college librarian's blog post disparaging an academic publisher has ever been read by a human being.)

Colleges Spend Much More Money on Athletes than on Students, Because Athletes Are Heroes

Hamilton Nolan · 01/16/13 12:00PM

In case any unimportant "regular" college students were operating under the delusion that your university's boilerplate about how "Academics Come First" was actually a meaningful statement of values, it is now possible to quantify financially just how much more important athletes are than you, the unathletic plebeian.

Yale Creates New, Even More Useless Law Degree

Hamilton Nolan · 07/25/12 11:35AM

Since the recession hit, law school degrees have become so toxic and worthless that they are actually worth less than nothing, because not only do they take all of your money and leave in crushing debt but you can't even get a job with them any more and if you could the job would be horrible. So—how to make a law degree even worse? That took the mindpower that only Yale can offer.

Students With Real Majors Don't Want to Be College Professors

Hamilton Nolan · 05/03/12 09:10AM

Why do people go to grad school? It all depends. In "the humanities," people generally go to grad school because they like to smoke marijuana, or because they dislike the prospect of finding a "real job," or—and this one is key to the whole grad school house of cards—because they "want to teach." The elusive and illusive prospect of a career in academia helps many kids justify spending tens of thousands of dollars on a graduate degree that qualifies them for no other jobs. Strangely, people who major in fields that have actual applicability to the world outside of college campuses have other career goals.

The Legal Profession Cannot Shrink Itself Fast Enough

Hamilton Nolan · 05/01/12 10:20AM

It is fortunate that the legal profession is renowned for its graceful sense of humor about its own problems, because the "new generation" of lawyers will consist only of one cute dog, because everyone else knows that going to law school would be the worst possible decision that a young adult can make except for eating that third slice of Pizza Hut's new Cheesy Bites™ pizza simulacrum. Let's check in on the depressing mire of gloom that is the legal profession and its educational antecedents, shall we?

Arizona Fears Mexican-American Studies Are Poisoning College Students' Minds

Hamilton Nolan · 04/17/12 08:57AM

¡Hola! That is what the state of Arizona says to its Mexican friends and residents, to distract them from the knife being plunged into their backs at the same moment. The primary problem facing the foreclosure-wracked drought-plagued desert state of Arizona: Mexicans learning things. Arizona will put a stop to that—¡muy rapido!

All Academic Fields of Study, Ranked by Realness

Hamilton Nolan · 04/06/12 01:58PM

The whole field of philosophy is currently engaged in a self-referential argument over whether or not it is a "science," entirely because philosophers believe that being a "science" would get them more respect. Much of academia suffers from the same competitive affliction. Until now.