advice

10 Halloween Costumes to Avoid

Brian Moylan · 10/18/11 02:55PM

Every year there are those Halloween costume ideas that are topical and also easy to execute. That means at least one person at your Halloween party is going to have one of these costumes on. Don't be one of those cultural lemmings! If any of the following ideas are on your list, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

How to Use Your Cell Phone on the Subway

Brian Moylan · 09/22/11 03:58PM

Starting on Tuesday, cell phones will get reception at six subway stations on 14th Street, thereby ending the sweet, sweet silence on NYC's platforms. But just because you can use your phone doesn't mean you should. Here are some rules.

Is It Okay to Use Coupons on a Date?

Hamilton Nolan · 09/15/11 11:40AM

In our ongoing quest to be servicey and fill the maddening expanse of open pixels with something—anything—that might be useful to you, the reader, it's time for another edition of "Advice questions, reconsidered." Today: coupons! Dating! Cheapness! Sexxx!

How to Poop at Work

Brian Moylan · 09/14/11 02:08PM

It's a sad inevitability. No matter how hard you try, how accurately you plan, how much you control what you eat, it's going to happen at some point: you will have to poop at work. It's where the biological meets the professional and it's always, pardon the expression, a shit show. Let's try to make it easier, shall we?

Five Pieces of Advice For Jill Abramson

Hamilton Nolan · 09/06/11 12:16PM

Today is Jill Abramson's first official day as the editor of The New York Times. Congratulations, Jill. We, the faceless Cheeto-eating bloggers of America, lovehate the New York Times as much as you do. Some unwanted advice, below.

How to Prepare for a Hurricane

Brian Moylan · 08/25/11 06:23PM

Did you hear? Hurricane Irene is going to slam into New York City like Lindsay Lohan slamming into the sidewalk in front of a nightclub. It's going to be horrible! But we're sure you can make it through if you prepare adequately. Here's how.

So You've Been Wrongly Declared Dead

Adrian Chen · 08/18/11 03:53PM

Life's hard, but being dead is an even bigger pain in the ass. Here are some horror stories from people who were mistakenly declared dead by the Social Security Administration, which wrongly "kills" over 14,000 people each year. What do you do if it happens to you? Here's a useful guide:

How to Pose for the Perfect Mugshot

Brian Moylan · 08/17/11 03:24PM

As long as there have been celebrities, there have been celebrities getting arrested, and as long as there have been celebrities getting arrested, there have been celebrity mugshots. But what can we learn from them?

Do Not Sell Your Stocks

Hamilton Nolan · 08/08/11 11:01AM

It's only noon, and already the Dow has dropped by 325 241 336 points. Terror. Panic. Uncertainty. Fear. Should you dump all of your stocks and stash the cash while you still can? No. No. No!

Ten Easy Steps to Getting Through Our National Default

Hamilton Nolan · 07/27/11 04:09PM

Whoa, this whole "debt ceiling" thing sure is scary, right? Can you imagine a national default? All together now, American paupers: "Yes, we can fucking imagine it. Welcome to the club, rest of America."

Don't Light a Cigarette Inside a Porta John

Jeff Neumann · 07/25/11 01:21AM

An airman from the Royal Australian Air Force is being treated for "severe burns" after he apparently had a porta john mishap earlier today. A spokeswoman for the Department of Community Safety in Queensland told the Brisbane Times, "He was in a portaloo when there was some kind of explosion. It's believed he was lighting a cigarette at the time." So many potential jokes here, but damn, that's pretty rough.

Avoid Lions Right After a Full Moon

Jeff Neumann · 07/21/11 06:18AM

Planning a safari anytime soon? If so, you might want to check out the results of a new study in the journal Public Library of Science ONE before you go. The extensive research shows that African lions are far more likely to eat you after dusk on the day following a full moon. Or, in more scientific terms, lions are more successful at "carcass acquisition" just after a full moon:

Experts Agree: Casey Anthony Should Keep a Low Profile

Jeff Neumann · 07/18/11 05:06AM

The media hysteria surrounding convicted-by-cable television personality Casey Anthony isn't going away anytime soon: Who is sheltering her? Will she write a book? When does her TV special air? These are all very important questions for a public that demands justice. And while reporters stalk her every move, the experts are coming out to suggest some very ingenious ways for Anthony to handle her new found freedom. One PR consultant went out on a limb, telling the Boston Herald that "she should definitely go underground for awhile." And Greg John, chairman of KHJ Brand Activation told the paper that the Casey Anthony brand is going to be a tough sell to the American public: "Reality is perception, and 90 percent of the people in this country think she is guilty. The best thing for her to do is lay low and have everyone forget."

Don't Say 'Doo Doo' Near NYPD Cops

Jeff Neumann · 07/13/11 05:21AM

A 17-year-old kid says he was beaten by cops in the Bronx after he walked past an officer who was scraping dog shit off his shoe and said, "It smells like doo-doo." Tyre Davis told the Daily News that he was then berated by the cops, handcuffed and later punched several times in the head. Who wouldn't laugh if they saw a cop step in dog shit?

What to Do When You Realize That Horrible Smell Is You

Remy Stern · 07/11/11 03:04PM

If you're on Team Unhygienic—or if your various bodily perfumes, tinctures, and deodorizes surrender more readily than a Frenchman—and you can't pop into a drug store, never fear. You can MacGyver your way out of this. [Jezebel]

When to Freak Out About a Hacker Attack

Adrian Chen · 07/07/11 06:30AM

This summer it seems every day brings dire news of a new data breach perpetrated by shadowy hackers. For those prone to panic, it might be enough to end in a hospital visit. But there's no need to freak out about every single attack reported by a hacker-obsessed media.