Before Michael Jackson died, and before Mark Sanford disappeared to Argentina, a Senator named John Ensign admitted to an affair with a former staffer, who was married to another former staffer. And now we have his break-up letter to her.

Michael Wolff, internet shouty guy and writer-for-magazines, was supposed to write a juicy tell-all for Vanity Fair about his scandalous affair with an intern! Instead he's apparently been working on a piece about fucking Politico?

It turns out Mark Sanford left some things out of his big long weepy affair confession, including three New York encounters with his mistress. It turns out he felt the need to break up with her twice! Imagine that.

Hah. So Mika Brzezinski complained about the old sex scandal double standard, and then when she had Rudy Giuliani in the studio to talk about Mark Sanford, she forgot to ask him about his own business.

It turns out Mark Sanford's full confession and apology today wasn't as heartfelt as it seemed: The South Carolina governor had just been informed The State newspaper would publish his mistress emails, its reporter tells us.

The State somehow got hold of emails between South Carolina's cheating governor and his Argentine mistress. It turns out Mark Sanford was quite the sweet-talker, what with his whispers about diesel engines, and swamps.

Jenny Sanford, wife of cheating South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, released her statement about his Argentinian affair, explaining that the reason she had no idea where he was this past week is because she kicked him out of the house.

Mark Sanford's press conference. Did you watch that performance? Wow. He just... he just kept going. How did it compare to some classic political meltdowns of the past? Favorably!

Updated: Fighting back tears, Mark Sanford explained that his mysterious disappearance was really a visit to "a dear dear friend in Argentina," a mistress he met eight years ago and fell in love with a year ago over e-mail.

Today we learned that South Carolina's wingnut Republican governor, Mark Sanford, has been missing since last week. The staff of the 2012 Republican presidential hopeful now says he is "safe and secure" and "just needed time to clear his head."

In your scandalous Friday media column: a reporter has an affair with a police chief, another reporter's charged with assaulting an old man, Meredith is the new queen of magazines, and Reader's Digest increases its pap quotient.

John Ensign revealed that he had an affair with a married former staffer (her husband, another former staffer, tried to extort Ensign because of his shitty mortgage and Ensign got him two jobs)), and then all his interns quit.

Why did Republican Senator John Ensign's sexual dalliance with a married former staffer get revealed now? Because of subprime mortgages and the Nevada housing crisis!

At first gossip is shameful, then it becomes linkbait. Media gadfly Michael Wolff starts his daily jotting for Newser.com today: "What do men in their fifties and sixties know about girls in their twenties?"

Victoria Floethe is tired of the moralizing prudes! The younger half of media beef-starter Michael Wolff's recently exposed affair is telling her side of the story: she's a free-living woman beset by Victorian gossiping hordes.

Media beef-starter Michael Wolff is getting a divorce, one month after news broke of his affair with his 28-year-old employee Victoria Floethe.

Jeffrey Toobin, the married CNN legal reporter, could very soon have a child with his rumored mistress, if the woman's friends are correct.

CNN analyst, New Yorker writer, alleged affair-haver, and big Facebook fan Jeffrey Toobin recently updated his Facebook status to "married." He's actually been married for years! Click through to see the outpouring of interest:

A staff writer at Michael Wolff's Newser, Victoria Floethe, is rumored to be having an affair with her boss. Who knew there were any media jobs still worth sleeping your way into?

When Democratic party uber-lawyer Fred Baron died this year, he left poor Rielle Hunter with nothing. So she's back on the East Coast and ready to party!