Your National Enquirer newspaper has published photos purporting to show Cindy McCain, fragile, lonely beer heiress wife to Senator John McCain, kissing some guy who isn't Senator John McCain! "Multiple witnesses" caught Cindy and this mystery man "lip locking on several other occasions." The guy is "a long-haired man who resembles 'a washed-up '80s rock musician,'" apparently. Just read the "stunned reaction of an eyewitness":

Antonio Villaraigosa, the first Latino Mayor of Los Angeles, is a Democratic party darling. Lots of observers think he has a nice career ahead of him in California state politics or maybe even national office. He shows up on TV a lot, delivered the Spanish-language response to the 2006 State of the Union, and hey, there he is lined up with Larry Summers and Robert Reich in Obama's Economic Superfriends Advisors Meetup Party! Oh, good for him. God, let's hope that his role in the Obama Administration is limited to that photo-op, because his success thus far is due mostly to how much the LA press sucks and the fact that no one out east pays attention to left coast politics. Did you hear about his sexy Telemundo Affair? Maybe you did, and forgot about it, or forgot the details, because who cares about what the mayor of Los Angeles does? The Los Angeles Times doesn't even care what the mayor of Los Angeles does! Their political reporters had the story of the end of Villaraigosa's marriage, and they put it on page B-4. They also, oddly, left out the reason for the split, which surely they could've found out with a couple minutes of reporting—Villaraigosa was sleeping with a hot political reporter from Telemundo! The Times did get to the story eventually, but no one outside of LA noticed or really cared about Villaraigosa's infidelities. America is sort of beyond that, you know? The Republicans just ran a dude who married his mistress, and Newt Gingrich is looking good in 2012 (hah). What none of that changes is the fact that Villaraigosa is precisely the kind of telegenic useless Democrat who can get David Hasselhoff and Natalie Cole to play his mayoral inauguration and who then spends his term gallivanting around the world building recognition and support for his causes without having any causes beyond promoting himself. As the LA Weekly put it a couple months ago, "the mayor spends most of his working day flying in and out of town, holding staged press conferences, attending banquets, ceremonies and parties, raising political money and providing face time to high-powered special interest groups in a position to help his political advancement." So yes, of course it makes perfect sense that Villaraigosa was standing up there with President-elect Obama, because there were a shit-load of cameras there. But what the hell did he have to add to the discussion on the current economic crisis? Guys, let's not let this useless hack become an important new face of the Democrats in charge of the country, ok?

Boy, Christopher Buckley's life sucks, he revealed in the Sunday Times to Sheryl Gay Stolberg. His dad and mom died. And oh, also, all the blogs and the New York Post reported on the son he had out of wedlock with his former book publicist and how Wm F. Buckley excluded this child from his will. And then Buckley endorsed Barack Obama and the National Review fired him! All this happened after his dad, who was kind of a famous asshole, died, and maybe now Chris Buckley is trying to be less of an asshole? As he says:

So the Rielle Hunter clips have been available on the internet for ages now. The Edwards campaign famously "scrubbed" them but they were still to be found elsewhere. Still, now that the affair is confirmed, it's fun to go back and rewatch them for creepy hints. Like how Hunter keeps the camera focused on Edwards' blue-jean-clad crotch in the first one. All the videos are available here, but we've put together our favorite moment from the webisodes with the most relevant parody advertising clip available.

Ha ha ha so it turns out that everyone in the world knew that Rielle Hunter had a (shall we say!) inappropriate relationship with John Edwards back in 2006 (when they were fucking). As we've learned, Rielle is a starry-eyed new age nutcase with a bizarre and tawdry history. So some reporters thought it was maybe odd that this weird hippie chick was apparently hanging out with the Edwards campaign and openly flirting with the candidate. After the jump, journalists on what they knewl about Hunter back in the day.

It's always refreshing to see the leaders of lesser nations gadding about and having affairs with celebrities. It's positively European. Michael Misick, the Premier of the tiny little Turks and Caicos, is finding his affair a bit less breezy, however; his wife (former All of Us actress LisaRaye McCoy) just had her PR firm issue a press release saying that Misick is creeping around with the host of BET's 106 & Park. You just don't get untainted politico-celebrity voyeurism like this in America:

Unlike most adulterous celebrity scandals, the latest claim that Most Awkward On-Screen Sex Partner Matthew Broderick has pulled a Beckham / Phillippe / Hawke by getting involved in a long-term affair with a 25-year old redhead is actually filled to the brim with hilariously kinky details. The Star exclusive includes all sorts of juicy and slightly nauseating allegations, making Pat O’Brien’s “I want to fucking eat you!” sweet nothings seem tame in comparison. As sad as any remaining fans of Ferris may be to hear it, the mag’s sources claim newly mole-less SJP’s hubby is fond of popping ‘round his do-gooder mistress’ bedroom, darting out after 30 minutes, and leaving the girl “passed out on her bed in her panties.” But is this really so shocking? After the jump, we cover the many times Parker has hinted that the long-married couple has serious issues, from her comments that he’s always “secretly manipulating you,” to the time she confessed she just adores seeing him “have great chemistry” with other women:Beginning in 2001, when she forgot to thank her husband during her Best Actress speech at the Golden Globes, Parker has been blabbing to many a tab about just how “treacherous” her 11-year marriage is. Just two years ago, she said in an interview, "I feel bad that he’s not on the market...He’s just getting to his prime and I’m holding him back. Every now and then I see him with a woman and she’s really smart and beautiful and I’m like, ‘God they have great chemistry. They’d be great together.’” Not to mention her recent delight in telling NY Mag that he “doesn’t have enough friends.” Ultimately, the fact that Broderick has been trysting all over town making late-night visits to the mystery woman’s bedroom (and lasting 30 minutes, no less!) sounds like a dream come true for SJP. All her wishes have come true: on the market? Check. More friends? Nailed one. Plus, her remark in the same NYM piece that “Broderick says, ‘That’s your fault!’ when he sees a thong poking up from low-slung jeans” must feel oh-so-satisfying. Parker can even claim responsibility for Matty Cakes’ newfound happiness inside those thongs he apparently stares at every time they leave the house together! [Photo credit: Splash]

Now that Bonnie Fuller's been kicked out of American Media, she can finally reveal the dirty secrets of how the Celebrity Tabloid game is really played. It's all an elaborate Watergate-like conspiracy! The celebs are in collusion with the glossies! You know that thing where baseball player Alex Rodriguez was suddenly hanging out with Madonna and divorcing his wife? Remember that? You know how none of it made any sense? Well Fuller-whose career in the tabloid trenches gives her a special understanding of how these sorts of stories work-smells a rat. An aerobics-addicted 49-year-old celebrity rat.

Geez Roger Clemens, do you mind if we go a single day without being bombarded by news of yet another one of your past trysts with a Southern blond woman somehow vaguely connected to pop culture? Monday we learned that scowling baseball great Clemens, self-proclaimed paragon of family virtue, cheated on his wife with a continuously intoxicated country music star. More girlfriends came out in the subsequent days. And now we're battered with the news that the rich pitcher may have had a romance with the ex-wife of a fat, drunk professional golfer [NYDN]. Is nothing sacred?

Roger Clemens, the recently retired former Yankees ace pitcher and full time Class A jerk, has used his commitment to his wife (pictured) and family as a defense of his own character, which has been impugned by steroid allegations. And, you know, by his own general asshole demeanor that causes him to do things like throw a fastball at his own son. But today the Daily News says that Clemens carried on a ten year affair with train wreck country singer Mindy McCready—although they never trot out any real proof. And their lead, which seems to imply Clemens is a statutory rapist, is a little problematic:

Back in more civilized times, the New York Times never once mentioned the name Jennifer Fitzgerald. That name, Times vet R.W. Apple famously explained in Spy, was "known everywhere, and it is not used." Fitzgerald was the woman who supposedly had a lengthy affair with former President George H. W. Bush. The Times never even looked into the story. "All you've got is sordid gossipy bits," explained another reporter. The first reports of Bill Clinton's alleged extramartial affair didn't name the "Arkansas employee" who made the allegations herself. (Not until the tabloid The Star used her name was it safe to also do so.) Before the Post broke the story of Judith Nathan, the Times coverage of the end of then-mayor Rudy Giulaini's marriage to Donna Hanover was obnoxiously winking. Elisabeth Bumiller only named the mayor's good friend after Rudy and the Post beat them to it. Basically, how insane is it that the Times broke the story of Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the hooker who took down Eliot Spitzer? And how insane was the story that broke it, what with its links to her MySpace profile and bizarre criticism of her "rhythm and blues" music? Arthur Suzlberger truly is "the prophet of the high church of journalism."

Scandale! Okay, not really, it's France after all; what would constitute a personal scandal there? The French president, Nicholas Sarkozy (not to be confused with Jean-Pierre Jeunet's favorite actor Dominique Pinon!) and his wife, Cecilia, told everyone they were splitting up yesterday, and said they'd have no further comment on the matter. Well, Madame Sarkozy changed her mind, okay? She's allowed! She unloaded about her marriage to a French newspaper today and it was all pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, except it prompted her ex to get all pissy with Le Monde when they called him for comment, snapping that hey, the French people "ask for no comment from me. It interests them much less than you, and they are right. And perhaps they have a greater sense of propriety and more discretion, sir." Take that! If only our own Great Leaders could put the press in their place as eloquently.

Is Bruce Springsteen having an affair? Page Six seems to think so, alleging that the singer and his wife Patti Scialfa are living separate lives. Springteen, the Post tells us, "is born to run - from marriage."

• Kate Hudson comes to her senses (maybe) and realizes that Owen Wilson (possibly) is not the most stable choice (on earth). But is she ready to go back to a life of picking food out of Chris Robinson's beard? [Us Weekly]
• Did Paramount sever ties with Tom Cruise because he's a lunatic, or because the studio's short on cash? Not that the two are mutually exclusive. [Fox411]
• A shirtless picture of surprisingly hot Today show co-host Matt Lauer goes for five times as much as that of Matthew McConaughey. [TMZ]
• Quick question: Is there anyone or anything Nathan Lane won't talk shit about? Today, it's the Matthew Broderick bug that's climbed up Lane's ass, and the two may not work together again. [Page Six]
• 29-year-old virgin Sarah DiMuro's pristine hymen is the best thing to happen to Jane in years. [Lowdown]
• Bill Clinton takes Chelsea and the gang to Serendipity 3, Dylan's Candy Bar, and the Museum of Natural History. Afterwards, they boarded back on their big red bus and headed back to their hotel in Times Square. [Page Six]

• An socio-anthropological examination of the JAP and her fitness habits. Naturally, the gym bag is the heaviest weight she lifts. [Fake Jew]
• Anna Wintour acknowledges the un-chicness of Mastic, her vacation town. And yet she continues to own property there. The mind boggles! [The Beach]
• The city passes its "Imette law," inspired by the murder of Imette St. Guillen, who's believed to die at the hands of an unlicensed bouncer. Clubs must now enact all sorts of new safety measures — none of which, you know, will actually prevent a some girl from getting wasted and getting in trouble. But nice of them to try. [NYP]
• Two days after Christina Alisio told the Post that she'd slept with philandering Met Paul Lo Duca, she's hired counsel to go after the media outlets who didn't make her look as hot as she'd have liked. [Philadelphia Will Do]
• The Wives and Girlfriends (WAGs) of major English soccer stars are redefining white trash, wearing high-end apparel bought with their own money and angering designers who hate to see their work on such middle-class bodies. Aw, poor Posh. Then again, maybe we're kind of into the WAGs because they're not an American property. If they were "ours," we'd probably hate them too. [Telegraph]
• The Week is doing kind of well. No, seriously. Don't laugh. [Folio]
• Who isn't working for Radar? It's just as commonplace as using the subway. [Belle in the Big Apple]
• Cocaine + hipsters + Mexico City = obligatory American Apparel reference. [LA Weekly]

Pity poor Paul LoDuca - as if gossip about gambling and allegations of affairs with teenaged temptresses weren't enough, we've now entered the territory where his prowess is being probed. Today's Post introduces us to the Met's catcher's latest paramour, nineteen-year-old Christina Alisio. Alisio (described as "pretty," "fresh-faced," and twice as "the young woman") rated his performance as ""...all right but below what I expected." For the record, LoDuca has denied the allegations (we would too; how bad in bed do you have to be to disappoint a Philly chick?) but it doesn't look like the story is going away anytime soon, especially if this cartoon from the latest New Yorker is any indication.

Understanding the relationship between Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca and his 19-year-old mistress Krista Guterman, as dictated by word choice in the New York Post:

• Enjoy this image as Victoria Silvstedt enjoys sex for one. The problem is not masturbation, because obviously everyone diddles here and there — but who the fuck makes that kind of face when they're flying solo? [Save Manny]
• On her Sirius radio show, Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis disturbingly reveals her sex romp with a then-unmarried Peter Cook, the Christie Brinkley's philandering husband. Is there no limit to where this man will go? [Page Six]
• People lie on camera! Breaking! [Lowdown]
• If you're going to get caught cheating on your girlfriend, it might as well be with a 21-year-old bisexual model. Well done, Simon Cowell. [R&M]
• Kid Rock enjoys his last days as a bachelor with a Pam Anderson clone. [TMZ]
• Someone please amuse us with a connection between Lindsay Lohan's recent hospitalization and her newest tattoo. Points for creativity. [Page Six]

In a column this Sunday concerning Peter Cook's dalliances, Linda Stasi makes the claim that, when it comes to relationships, her own gender is oft sinned against, but never sinning.

Is it really any wonder that 19-year-old Southampton townie Diana Bianchi took off her pants for Christie Brinkley's husband, Peter Cook? Unearthing his 1981 GQ cover stint, it's clear that the man knows how to hammock his banana. Say what you will about his bad behavior, but Cook's hotness is stronger than all the Aquanet they used in that cover shoot, and not even the passage of 25 years can take that away from him.