All of the Palins are such quitters! First Sarah Palin gradually quit making sense over the course of many years, then she quit being governor, and now Todd Palin has quit working the oilfields that gave them blue collar cred.

Just before midnight, a "note" was posted on Sarah Palin's Facebook page titled, "Concerning the 'Death Panels.'" Predictably, the media latched onto it and reported her thoughts. However, there's a problem: there's no way in hell Sarah Palin wrote it.

Sarah Palin honored the Great State of Alaska at her resignation ceremony Sunday by serving tubes of processed meat in soggy buns to mouthbreathers citizens at a park that used to be called Alaskaland. The Anchorage Press has some scenery.

Last night, Conan O'Brien staged a dramatic reading of Sarah Palin's farewell speech/mad triumphant soul-cry as read by William Shatner and accompanied by bongos and stand-up bass.

An ethics investigator's report leaked to the press says that Sarah Palin has been "securing unwarranted benefits and receiving improper gifts" through the legal defense fund set up for her by John Coale, the Scientologist husband of Greta Van Susteren.

In what is possibly the most bizarre coupling since Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley married, Sarah Palin and the Washington Post have come together as one and given birth to a Sarah Palin Washington Post op-ed piece. Yeah.

Last week, we continued trying to figure out why Sarah Palin quit her job. We could think of a couple reasons! And today, the New York Times seems to throw its weight behind one of those reasons.

It has been days since Empress Sarah Palin quit Alaska, forever. And no one yet knows why! Her "explanation" lacked, uh, actual coherent reasons. But there are theories.

Governor of Russia's Neighboring American Atate and failed Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin is going to resign from her office as Alaska's Supreme Asskicker And Number One Mom. She's not going to be running for a second term.

Levi Johnston, noted Palin daughter-nailer, has hired Tank Jones, "a size-58 suit-wearing black man," to manage his career and be his bodyguard. He's also developed an alter ego to help him destroy his Wasilla-ness and fully embrace douchedom—"Ricky Hollywood."

Has her being stuck between her insane mother and the vindictive family of her ex made you feel sympathetic toward Bristol Palin? Well, this morning she went on the TV to help with that.

Oh, good, Sarah Palin is going to be on the show about people who make motorcycles. Here is angry motorcycle builder Paul Teutul Sr. with the Governor of Alaska, on her famous "giant bearskin couch."

Levi Johnston, a 19-year-old Alaskan who, unlike Meghan McCain, has held a real job, is going to write a book. Maybe. Or maybe not!

Sarah Palin's former future son-in-law, Levi Johnston, hit the Early Show, continuing his soft-spoken media beef with the Alaska governor. He blames his breakup with Bristol Palin, the mother of his child, on the election.

Do you like irony? Sure, we all do! Here is a statement Sarah Palin's flack gave to People regarding the recent Tyra appearance by campaign prop and real-life boy Levi Johnston.

So Ted Stevens, the corrupt old bastard who invented Alaska and ruled it with an iron open palm for 100 years, is no longer a convicted felon. It is a proud day for America.

Hey, Sarah Palin owes back taxes, and she didn't even get a cabinet appointment! What a rip-off. Good thing she can claim so many dependents, right?

After election day, we gave Sarah Palin a simple five-step plan for her future success. But today, she continues to spend her time insulting bloggers and SNL. Time for an advice update. Listen, Sarah:

Good news: the mother of Sarah Palin's daughter's boyfriend was not arrested for meth. No, Sherry Johnston was arrested for oxycontin. What wonderful communities our small towns are.

Yesterday was Alaska Senator Ted Stevens' worst birthday ever: he turned 85, and lost his reelection fight! You commit seven little felony counts of fraud and making false statements, sheesh. The AP called the race for Democratic challenger Mark Begich last night, as he leads by 3,724 votes, with 46.58% of the Alaska electorate not even caring that their million-term senator is a convicted felon and voting for him anyway. Now we officially don't have to write about him anymore, until Alaska voters give his corrupt son Ben a seat in congress. Now the magical 60-seat majority is up to Al Franken's recount (possible!) and the Jim Martin/Saxby Chambliss runoff in Georgia (difficult!). Then the Democrats will do everything you've always wanted them to do. [NYT]