While we found yesterday's 8,000 word New Yorker profile of Alec Baldwin to be an engrossing (if entirely too long) read, we were able to find one person who was less than impressed by Baldwin's long-winded rants about the perils of being impossibly rich and famous: My Name Is Earl creator/executive producer Greg Garcia. In the piece, not only did Baldwin blast the suits who run NBC's programming and promo departments for "wring(ing) the last drops" out of Thursday night comedy staples like Earl and Scrubs while 30 Rock is treated like a "red-headed stepchild", he also indirectly criticized the quality of said shows by labeling both as "done" and "cooked." Naturally, this irked Garcia, who spoke exclusively with Defamer this morning about his thoughts on his show's performance, 30 Rock's ratings and, of course, Baldwin himself:

Though we'll miss you for the next half-hour, reading the New Yorker's brand-new, 8,168-word profile of 30 Rock star Alec Baldwin is most certainly the best thing you could do all day. Entitled "Why Me?", it's the story of a manic, magnetic actor having a mid-life career resurgence obvious to everyone but Baldwin himself. Though everyone around the actor tries to convinces him that his stint as Jack Donaghy is the role of a lifetime, Baldwin can't quite settle down and enjoy himself; in fact, he initially wanted to do no more than six episodes of 30 Rock per season. That NBC wanted (and eventually got) him to sign up for more earned this hilarious, My Name is Earl-lacerating monologue from Baldwin:

Breaking News: Jennifer Aniston is a desperate, man-obsessed stalker...on a fall episode of 30 Rock, shooting right now in New York! The former Friends actress will play Claire Harper, a "free-spirited, Fatal Attraction-like stalker" (and ex-roommate of Tina Fey's Liz Lemon) who falls for Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin). After his efforts to rebuff her finally sink in, "Claire" will go a bunny-killing rampage that coincidentally claims the lives of Aniston enemies John Mayer and Wendy Williams. "No one told you life was gonna end this way," she will sing, before the clap-clap-clap of her handgun brings the scene to a close. [Us]

That would be comedienne Rosie O'Donnell, wig-wearer Donald Trump, crazy actress Julianne Moore, crazy actor Alec Baldwin, New York thoroughbred Sarah Jessica Parker, and celebrated thespian Patricia Clarkson. And they're all nice! Or so says Village Voice darling and all around geigh dude Michael Musto, based on his experiences with how they treat the press. Ahh, they're nice to the press huh? They always remember names and stuff? Well that's easy enough to fake. They just have their assistants look up whatever journalist they're meeting with that day, print out a picture, and make a little flashcard. Simple as that! Of course these people are friendly to the press. They're at work. Though I'm sure myriad waiters and Starbucks baristas and parking valets and hotel concierges would agree with the choices, right? Right?

1) The final big event of the season was the Robert Wilson-hosted concert benefit at the Watermill Center on Saturday. Rufus Wainwright, Kate, Anna and Martha McGarrigle, and Jessye Norman performed for a crowd including Isabella Rossellini, Calvin Klein, Amanda Hearst, Steven Klein, Daphne Guinness, Patrick McMullan, Bob Colacello, Jamee Gregory, Beth Rudin DeWoody, Luigi Tadini, and Lisa Anastos. [Paper/PMc]

Either the three-day weekend has caused some kind of misfiring in the space where our hearts should be, or today's New Yorker profile of Alec Baldwin is actually a rather touching portrait of a misguided but talented middle-aged actor whose side we're now inclined to take against loony tune Kim Basinger. Of course, he's angry and arrogant, but hearing him list the litany of bad films that scuttled his ambitions to be a Hollywood leading man ("In '93, I did the remake of 'The Getaway,' with my wife. That was a bomb. I did 'The Shadow.' That was a bomb. In '94, I did 'Heaven's Prisoners.' That was a bomb. In '95, I did 'The Juror.' That was a bomb.") is sorta sad.

Rachel Zoe at the Mercer Hotel in SoHo ... Katie Holmes attending rehearsals ... Alec Baldwin shooting scenes for NBC's 30 Rock ... Whoopi Goldberg walking with her grandkids in SoHo ... Oprah Winfrey attending a charity event in New Jersey ... Leona Lewis leaving the studio after an appearance on Good Morning America ... and Lindsay Lohan out shopping in lieu of attending her grandfather's funeral.

With his success on the awesome 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin's been enjoying his reclaimed status as beloved funny dude for the last couple of years now. But raise the subject of his ex-wife Kim Basinger and you'll be treated to hot flashes of psycho "you're a little pig" voicemail dad. In a profile in the upcoming New Yorker, he asks, "Think I'm walking stiffly? Yeah, there's a 120-pound actress on my back." Baldwin's gripe, he says, is that Basinger is constantly trying to drive a wedge between him and their 12-year-old daughter, Ireland.

Blake Lively signing autographs outside the David Letterman show ... Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda holding hands ... Katy Perry, the Pussycat Dolls, and Jesse McCartney performing in Rockefeller Center ... Kevin Jonas shopping with a bodyguard on Fifth Avenue ... Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at an event at a YMCA ... Alec Baldwin shooting scenes for 30 Rock ... actress Kristen Johnston walking her dog through SoHo ... Jessica Szohr grabbing a bite to eat on the set of Gossip Girl ... and Katie Holmes saying goodbye to John Lithgow after the two had dinner downtown.

1) Eric Villency and Kimberly Guilfoyle threw a cocktail party on Saturday evening at their house in Bridgehampton, where Richard Johnson, Dan Abrams, Dave Zinczenko, Geraldo Rivera and Erica Levy, Scott Currie, Rob Wiesenthal, Alina Cho, and Gigi Stone mingled. [Huffington Post/Pmc]

Fun and Games: And now, another installment of "You Win One, You Lose One" (NBC Thursday night edition)! Win: 30 Rock's Tina Fey and The Office star Steve Carell are teaming up to play a married couple in the big-screen comedy Date Night! Lose: It's being directed by the hacky Shawn Levy, who made Big Fat Liar and Cheaper by the Dozen. Win: Fey's costar Alec Baldwin is in talks to romance Meryl Streep in an untitled comedy... Lose: ...written and directed by Nancy Meyers, so it will no doubt be a cream-colored, two-hour-plus slog that looks like it came straight out of a Lands' End catalog. Thanks for playing! [Variety]

Lionsgate is reportedly allocating a portion of its new credit line to therapists after Dane Cook, the co-star of the studio's forthcoming "edgy comedy with a dash of romance" My Best Friend's Girl, lashed out today at the poor souls responsible for the film's poster. As if their mission to sell a Dane Cook film wasn't challenging enough, the actor/comedian assailed everything from the designers' Photoshop skills to his own hair ("actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck's Magnum P.I. mustache," he notes) in a quest for cosmic poster justice. For reasons we'll explain after the jump, we think he's being a little hard on the artists. After all, isn't there a little bit "Brittany Spears' [sic] vagina" in all of us?

• John Edwards probably won't be invited to speak at the Democratic national convention unless he addresses those nagging rumors that he had a love child with Rielle Hunter. [Page Six]

"Then he suddenly stood up and said, 'Lemme go find out something, hold on' and, inexplicably, went to lunch." [LA Times]

Having stared into the vacant black eyes of The Beast more times than he'd care to remember, veteran movie producer Art Linson (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, and Into the Wild, to name just a few) had amassed so many "That's Hollywood, baby!" stories over the years, he strung them together into a memoir—What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line—and then a screenplay. And surprise! The project found a producer, who convinced Barry Levinson to direct, and Robert DeNiro to take the lead.

• Dark Knight star Christian Bale is accused of assaulting his own mother and sister. Police apparently waited to question Bale about the incident because "it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere." Yes, one wouldn't want to interrupt the celebration of a fictional vigilante crime fighter with an awkward attempt to, you know, fight crime. [Sun]

• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner may be back together, possibly because Ivanka has agreed to convert to Judaism if the relationship gets serious. [Page Six]

Our heartiest congratulations to Alec Baldwin on earning his amazing seventh Emmy nomination—and the second for his consistently inspired work as 30 Rock's Jack Donaghy, whom last we saw hovering over Rip Torn's hospital bed and praying for a coma-rousing miracle. To honor the man who is well on his way towards becoming the country's first Baldwin President, we provide this excerpt from a new THR.com interview.

1) The ACRIA benefit at photographer Steven Klein's Bridgehampton farm, sponsored by Calvin Klein Collection and Vanity Fair, invited guests for "Cocktails at Sunset." A boldface-heavy crowd including Bruce Weber, Jessica Stam, Donna Karan, Daphne Guinness, Rachel Zoe, Elizabeth Saltzman, Francisco Costa, Kelly Bensimon, Padma Lakshmi (above right), Carol Alt, Calvin Klein, Joy Bryant, Karolina Kurkova, Olivia Chantecaille, Mary Alice Stephenson, Anh Duong, Sessa von Richthofen, Zani Gugelmann, Jackie Astier, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, and committee member/host Andrew Saffir (above left) ate mini-burgers and tater tots, and bid on a Steven Klein print of Madonna from W magazine. [FWD/Style.com]

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]