Everywhere we've been around the LA Film Festival this week, the chatter du jour is either oversexed studio minions or how folks plan to spend their off-days during the increasingly inevitable-looking SAG strike. The latter conflict came into even sharper relief today in Variety, which published a SAG-AFTRA Bullshit Scorecard (hardly an improvement over our SAG Strike Mad Libs™, but whatever) breaking down the lies, celebrity endorsees and various other spin the unions are wielding in their steel-cage labor war:

"I walked through Union Square on my way to acting class and got offered loose joints. Drug dealing was a great tradition in this city. There are other traditions people can get involved with in this city. When I was younger, I used to get a bottle of wine and get drunk under the Staten Island Ferry... so there are things like that you can do." — Actor Alec Baldwin, at a PETA event last night, suggesting alternatives to the "traditional" New York tourist experience of riding a horse-drawn carriage. [Showbiz Spy]

Alec Baldwin may have a surprising new lover —- the deericorn. In an interview with the New York Post about his seeming mid-life crisis, 30 Rock's master thespian railed at the tabloids for focusing all their energies on his unpaid voiceover work while missing all the truly interesting stories about his life. As Baldwin told the Post:

[Actor Alec Baldwin with his born again brother Stephen at the Tony Awards last night; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Normally you can count on Alec Baldwin to deliver uncensored digs at his ex-wife Kim Basinger (and, occasionally, his little daughter Ireland). But Baldwin's new "divorce diary," A Promise to Ourselves: Fatherhood, Divorce, and Family Law, seems like it's going to be a snoozer. According to the book's flimsy introduction—which Baldwin handed out at BookExpo in LA over the weekend—the tome skips over dirty details of his marriage to Basinger and instead focuses on judges, marriages counselors, lawyers, and the "corrupt" American divorce court system in general. Why would someone trying to sell books leave out all the juicy details, you ask? Blame it on the judge: Many of the specifics of Baldwin's battle with Basinger are sealed under court order. Baldwin was smart enough, however, to slip a choice insult or two into interviews with the press: "My ex-wife reaches an almost sexual level of satisfaction when she's in a room full of high-priced lawyers."

• Longtime drug addict Tatum O'Neal was busted for buying crack near her Lower East Side apartment on Sunday night. [NY Post]

• Alec Baldwin lashes out at the family court system in his book, not his ex-wife Kim Basinger. He takes care of her at live party appearances: "My ex-wife reaches an almost sexual level of satisfaction when she's in a room full of high-priced lawyers." [Showbiz Spy]

If you've ever wondered how far below the poverty line Tara Reid is living these days or what kind of child support Alec Baldwin doles out to Kim Basinger, there is a guy in Cincinnati named John Snyder who is living your dream right now. Illegally, of course, and maybe under threat of prison time, but still: Snyder, an IRS tax examiner, is accused of viewing the confidential records of 197 celebrities over the last five years, including Kevin Bacon, Sally Field, Vanna White, John Cleese, Portia De Rossi, Randy Quaid and even "the late Eddie Albert of the classic sitcom Green Acres." Eddie Albert! Has this man no shame? Maybe not, but you can bet he has a lawyer:

Business types are excited about the news today that General Electric is planning to sell off its appliance division in a $5 billion move. Normal types are excited because this proves that GE CEO Jeff Immelt is now making decisions for his $323 billion company based on how they would affect the characters of 30 Rock. After Alec Baldwin's character Jack Donaghy got relieved of his imaginary position running the microwave division of GE's NBC on the April 21 episode, it was only a matter of time before this sale happened. The loss of a leader of Alec Baldwin's caliber—and its ripple effects on Tina Fey—sends strong signals to Wall Street. Recap video of that fateful episode is below. If GE decides to finance Tracy Morgan's Fat Bitch 2 movie, we're rating its stock a strong buy.

For all the career renaissance we've seen from Alec Baldwin over the last three or four years, not even his Golden Globe for 30 Rock overshadows his legendary turn as "Sociopathic Father" in last year's wildly popular Web-exclusive release Thoughtless Little Pig. Even Morley Safer couldn't stop talking about it last night on 60 Minutes; in the accompanying video, watch the "appalling" Baldwin float like a butterfly and sting like a bee under Safer's withering sallies, punch back with word of his forthcoming book on "divorce and parental alienation" and finally score the knockout with his disarming rejoinder about a potential political career: "There's other things I want to do. I mean, in a matter of weeks I'm going to be 50... By 60 Minutes correspondent terms, I am a young man!" Oh, Alec, you bastard. We just can't stay mad at you. [60 Minutes]

Actor Alec Baldwin was on 60 Minutes last night discussing the infamous voice mail in which he called his daughter a "thoughtless little pig." Baldwin said his behavior was "totally wrong," but also offered so many excuses for the outburst that it made me wonder if he isn't going to lose some of the public goodwill he's built up in the year since the call surfaced. Here's how my own thinking on Alec Baldwin has evolved (along with a video except of Baldwin on 60 Minutes):

So Alec Baldwin would like run for office some day, maybe. Possibly soon! After all, he's almost 50. And 50 is when you are allowed to "run the world," he says. "There's no age limit on running for office, to a degree. [It is] something I might do one day," the amusingly intense actor tells 60 Minutes this Sunday. Ha ha ha let's all laugh at him! He'll never win any elections, because of how insane he is and how we all know terrible things about his family and his life and his temper and how he yelled at his daughter that one time. But hey, the actual reason he'll never win an election has nothing to do with his sordid past. It's his unrepentant liberalism. Because California will happily elect drug-abusing unqualified actors with histories of gross sexual misconduct and harassment governor, as long as they're business-friendly Republicans. Seriously, Baldwin's past is way less gross than Schwarzenegger's, plus he's never done anything as embarrassing as this. [CBS]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, we'll surely be forced to endure another Pellicano trial! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you heard David Spade drop a bevy of F-bombs in front of toddlers at Koi.

On last night's 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin's network head Jack asked Tina Fey to help him invite a couple ladies to his upcoming fundraising dinner for cranky old presidential candidate John McCain. Of note: Alec Baldwin calling Chuck Norrins "C-Nor." Oh, and the mayor of New York was on the show! Michael Bloomberg, who was briefly going to be our next president in the land of imagination, presented Liz's ex-boyfriend the beeper king a medal for a heroic subway rescue. Clip above! And you can watch the whole thing on Hulu, because it's Friday so who gives a shit.

Emailed stalker sighting: "Tonight I spotted Alec Baldwin around 7:30pm at the French Roast Cafe on 11th Street West and 6th Avenue. He was was drunk and standing at the bar with a woman and a man. He had his arm around the woman a few times, and seemed to be falling all over her. Alec seemed to be meeting the couple there, because they all left together shortly after he arrived."

For the first time in recorded history, we actually felt sorry for poor chubster Kevin Federline yesterday. After all, as those golfing pictures revealed, that he's now sporting a Buddha big enough to hamper his golf swing. But apparently the slideshow-happy folks at Us Weekly didn't share our sympathies; in the wake of the revelation of Fat K-Fed, they've posted a slideshow featuring other formerly thin celebs who've gone from "hunk to chunk" in recent years. But being the stubborn argumentative types that we are, we're going to have to disagree with their take on all of these pound-packers' alleged downfalls. Sure, Clay Aiken's no prize these days (was he ever?), and Alec Baldwin certainly looked sexier in Glengarry Glen Ross than he currently does on 30 Rock, but a few members of Us' Fatso Club actually look far hotter with some extra meat on their bones. Our rebuttals, with pictorial evidence, after the jump.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you stumbled upon Woody Harrelson telling a Yoga studio receptionist about a marvelous new contraption that turns poop into drinking water.

[Actor Alec Baldwin and his girlfriend at Second Stage Theatre's All-Star Bowling Classic in New York last night; image via WENN]

Possibly the most temperamental father in America, Baldwin has managed to go from hunky actor to paunchy hothead while still landing high-profile acting jobs.

On last night's episode of NBC's newest pulse-pounding series, Sorta-Celebrity Apprentice, Team Hydra and The Other Team found themselves suddenly plunged into the high stakes world of inkjet cartridge sales. Ask anyone who works at Staples, that shit is NO! JOKE! For real. Anyway, as we've learned through the course of the first three episodes, the real competition on this show has nothing to do with who wins a given challenge, it's all about which Not-Really-That-Famous-Anymore Celebrity has the most number of famous digits in their cellphone and is not afraid to use 'em. And last night, Stephen Baldwin raised the ante somethin' fierce by putting in a call to the most famous person that he knows. And no, it wasn't Billy Baldwin.