Different balls have different weights, Alex Rodriguez learned on Sunday.

On Friday, the New York Yankee’s Alex Rodriguez hit a home run for his 3,000th career hit. As soon as a fan named Zack Hample caught the ball, a drumbeat began: Hample should give the ball back to Rodriguez. No!

Public-relations sewer pipe Lanny Davis is having a little moment. Fresh off his urging of mean and vicious NFL owner Daniel Snyder to be less abrasive about his refusal to change his team's racist name, the "crisis manager" has joined the list of people helping Alex Rodriguez in the drug-linked slugger's battle with Major League Baseball.

ESPN reports that Major League Baseball is preparing to suspend nearly 20 players, including superstar Alex Rodriguez, for a doping scandal with ties to a Miami-area clinic. If the suspensions hold, this will be the biggest performance-enhancing drug bust in American sports history.

Demi Moore is down in Miami this week for Art Basel, hanging out with her post-Ashton catch Vito Schnabel. Like any normal American getting over an embarrassing, trying divorce, Moore was seen last night partying at Alex Rodriguez's house with Lenny Kravitz. At the party she was just being a very cool, totally non-embarrassing mom, who just so happened to be putting on an unsolicited audition for the Twerk Team, YouTube's foremost ass-shaking troupe.

From the Facebook page of fearless Gawker overlord Nick Denton, a suggestion for a gay-rights campaign:

Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

Amanda Seyfried loves sex scenes, particularly an "extreme close-up" of herself rubbing tongues with Megan Fox. Olivia Wilde says she needs "four vaginas." Lil' Wayne talks Tea Party. Scarlett Johansson faces a naked picture scandal. Wednesday gossip needs a cold shower.

It was Ron Perelman's party, and Ellen Pompeo cried even though she didn't want to. Daniel Radcliffe was "reliant" on alcohol. Nicki Minaj's cousin was murdered. Andrew Keegan might have been tased. Tuesday gossip is troubled.

Tonight, Cameron Diaz took over most of the Late Show to chat with David Letterman and promote her raunchy new movie, Bad Teacher. And with 25 minutes for Diaz and Letterman to waste together, it was pretty much a given that there would be some awkward moments.

Ice-T and Coco give marriage advice. Is Jennifer Aniston a boyfriend stealer? Thandie Newton names the director who took advantage of her when she was 16. Ed Westwick gets in a shoving match at a bar. Tuesday gossip is aggressive.

Reese Witherspoon gives an ad hoc seminar on safe sexting. Jennifer Aniston launches a PDA offensive with yet another male co-star. Kim Kardashian has wedding dress drama. Pippa Middleton never sweats. Monday gossip has sex tape remorse.

The Kardashians throw a typically low-key engagement party. Paris Hilton throws a fit. A-Rod throws Cameron Diaz out. Saturday gossip is all about divas.

Lindsay Lohan hyperventilates and calls the paparazzi "animals." Someone is selling a sex tape of Usher. Charlie Sheen misses his son's birthday party. Britney Spears reunites with K-Fed at her son's baseball game. Monday gossip sucks and blows.

Jake and Taylor rendezvous in Nashville—but was it ex sex or postmortem wallowing? Macaulay Culkin parties with a porn star. Jesse James and Kat Von D are engaged. Bill Clinton is Cameron and A-Rod's third wheel. TGIFriday gossip.

How did you celebrate New Year's Eve? Probably not with a supermodel in Mexico. Jenny McCarthy has a new boyfriend. Justin Bieber tries to win Selena Gomez's heart with diamonds. New Year's Day Gossip Roundup is surprisingly not hungover!

Russell Brand is in trouble! Marc Anthony is in debt! Brad Pitt is in the hospital! (Not for anything serious... unless you consider charity serious, which I do.) Friday's gossip is ringing in the new year!

Bieber-Gomez is the new Swift-Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes celebrates her birthday with a passionless date with Tom Cruise. Charles Barkley laughs at Brett Favre's penis. Monday gossip is for lovers.

[Alexander Rodriguez, heir to the Bronx bombing fortune, looked like he was trying to place bids on something other than art work at Art Basel in Miami today. Image via Getty]