President Barack Obama shakes hands with Khloe Kardashian during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House in Washington, Monday, Jan. 25, 2010, during a ceremony honoring the Los Angeles Lakers 2008-2009 NBA basketball champions. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

60 Minutes did a story last night on the US Border Patrol finally getting technology advanced enough to differentiate between an illegal immigrant crossing the US border and a tumbleweed. If a giant physical fence doesn't work, this definitely will!

Al Franken has mastered the world of comedy, the domain of radio, and was elected to the senate by defeating an incumbent. The last frontier? Freehand geography. That map doesn't stand a chance.

Good news, White People: there will be more of you than of other people for eight more years than previously predicted! The Census Bureau says White People will remain the majority in America until 2050, thanks to 9/11.

Are your trays simply too willing to surrender to the British Monarchy? Need a tray that will stand up and fight for your right to be a lazy fat-ass? Then this unnecessary and next-to-useless product is for you!

This graph is the key to everything and it will soon be a book from HarperCollins. ("Everything" means Jann Wenner, Baby Boomers, mass culture, and the death of liberal consensus and middle class stability.) [Overthinking It via Colin via Maura.]

The Daily Beast, who know a good list idea when the news gives them one, recently ranked America's cities on how smart they are. Let's see how America reacted!

Olympics denied, Hopey! The International Olympic Committee rejected Chicago's bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics in the first round of voting, despite the fact that Barack Obama asked them real nice to pick that pleasant city.

Hey, before you became outraged about Roman Polanski and maybe before you expressed an opinion on the non-parole of Susan Atkins, were you outraged about the release of the Lockerbie bomber? You are so predictable! And wrong!

One guy is really "burning up the blogs" with some "controversial wishes for the President," according to MSNBC. Hey, a great excuse to publicize yet more crazy death threats against Barack Obama!

We are actually super-excited for this: Oliver Stone is creating a "10-part documentary series for Showtime titled 'Secret History of America.'" A ten-hour Oliver Stone history of America! Can you imagine how crazy wonderful this will be?

Americans are short and fertile. The French spend all their time drinking and eating and sleeping. The Japanese work all day and never sleep. It's proven by science!

People like Nadya Suleman, the IVF junkie mother of 14, and Alfie Patten, the 13-year-old father from England, are getting famous just for reproducing. It's a pretty gross trend.

Peaches Geldof's great New York experiment has ended in shambles. She's divorcing her American Green Card-securing hubby, is rumored to be shacking up with a new fellow, and is maybe moving back to London.

Barack Obama had to have lunch with a bunch of boring old white guys today. Was it a round-table discussion on the future of the media? No, it was the presidents' lunch.

We had a fun couple weeks there, congratulating ourselves for Barack Obama's historic, Liberals Save America presidential win, accepting other countries' "we're so proud of you" head nods and whatnot. It seemed like the country was back on track for a second, ready to head out into the world beloved for our bold and inspirational choice. Except, um, as it turns out, it doesn't really matter what the World thinks of us. A small, active faction of folks still hate us intensely and it doesn't matter that European people like US tourists again. Things like the current Mumbai crisis still wretchedly play out on big stages the belie their small, insidious roots.

The McCain campaign is stirring up something dark and vicious in the national psyche. The economic meltdown that's killing their campaign is also aiding it's rageful death rattle—people are scared, uneasy, and increasingly pissed off. McCain rallies sound this close to turning violent. (Pictured: McCain winces slightly after an audience member calls Obama "a terrorist.") "Responsible" Republicans are weirded out. Irresponsible ones think they can stir the folks up just enough to win this sucker and then we'll all go back to being polite. Fat fucking chance. Ta-Nehisi Coates reminds us of the anger of Jerry Falwell and "legitimate" right-wing attacks on activists like Dr. King:

"It's what America looks like, increasingly. The roads are potholed, the bridges collapsing, metro trains crash and kill as dull-eyed engineers peck text messages, airlines have become Aeroflot, dams and levees busting apart, yearlong waits to get a passport, maimed soldiers sent back to the endless war again and again, and a book-banning big-government cipher from Siberia is briefly popular for being a nasty moron." [Wonkette]

Happy Labor Day everyone!

Oh look. A new show about rich people. It's certainly not a new TV meme, but there's just so much of it these days. What with the Real Housewives and the Gossip Girls and the Super Sweet sixteen-year-olds. One might begin to think there was some sort of canyon-sized poverty gap growing in this country of ours. This newest entry in the genre is about a young writer who takes a job tutoring two spoiled rich heiresses and blah blah blah, people swim in money. The show is slated to be on the CW, where Gossip Girl is housed, this fall. So tune in on your non-flat television set, pour a glass of Fish Eye from a box, and feel terribly, terribly impoverished. It's a good thing poor people just aren't that interesting. A promo clip for the show awaits you after the jump.