America's Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne announced yesterday she is quitting the show because, she claims, NBC decided her son Jack was not fit to serve in a fake army.

Last night marked Howard Stern's debut as a judge on NBC's giddily lowbrow/despicable freak show, America's Got Talent (now in its seventh fucking season). He was introduced on the show with an ominous package that contained the phrase "shock jock" and footage of Stern saying that he was going to be like "Piers on steroids" (in reference to replacing Piers Morgan as AGT's Simon Cowell). However, he was more like Piers on a mild stimulant and some Splenda. Stern let down easy a woman who sang with a dozen of her pet birds clinging to her shirt, gushed about how great America is after seeing one of those glow-in-the-dark dance acts this show adores and then cuddled onstage with a dude who'd received a second chance after he botched his initial audition. Stern's leaps and bounds more articulate than just about anyone else who's flapping their gums on a televised competition and he often tempered his praise with sarcasm, but this is a much kinder and gentler Stern.

Exciting news for fans of the country's premiere cat-juggling competition, America's Got Talent. The Piers Morgan-shaped hole in the NBC reality show's judging roster has been filled with none other than self-proclaimed King of All Satellite Radio, Howard Stern. The deal was announced on Stern's Sirius radio show this morning, with Stern literally signing the contract on the air that would pay him an undisclosed amount (the rumor is $15 million), in addition to moving the show from L.A. to New York.

Justin Bieber admits he took a DNA test to see if that baby is actually his. Angelina Jolie is into some kinky stuff. Britney Spears has a hard, hard life. Howard Stern thinks he and America both have talent. Wednesday's gossip is on the 4:07 to New Haven.

It's the end of a minor era, as Larry King-supplanting CNN garden gnome and noted liar Piers Morgan has announced that he will be stepping down from his America's Got Talent-hosting duties, effective immediately.

The last time we checked in with Susan Boyle, she was completely choking on The View. But on tonight's America's Got Talent, SuBo returned with a vengeance to debut "You Have To Be There," the first single off her upcoming album—and she was pretty good! Video of the performance is above.

Teen nightmare Rebecca Black went on two-bit variety show America's Got Talent last night and performed a little medley for us. She sang part of her new song, and part of "Friday," the song that made her famous.

Those Funny Little People is a variety act composed entirely of dancing garden gnomes who are rumored to be so sexually deviant, they've been banned for life from the furry convention circuit. The troupe keeps advancing on America's Got Talent, NBC's televised glue-huffing competition, mainly because Judge Piers Morgan absolutely hates them, so Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel keep voting them through. And, well, it never stops being hilarious!

On America's Got Talent, Howie Mandel, a serious germaphobe, got really freaked out by some floss that was pulled through a magician's neck. Sharon Osbourne, however, just couldn't keep it together after Howie ran away from a piece of string.

This week on America's Got Talent the best 48 were chosen and sent to Hollywood. One of these acts was Air-pocalypse, an 80's hair metal style air-band. And by air-band I mean like air guitar. Really Sharon?

America's Got Talent has had some pretty unusual acts, even reaching beyond a William Hung level. However, Airpocalypse, an air guitar band, is in a league of its own. Also tonight, some of the other acts got snarky and resentful.

This is Mary Ellen. She "sings" and "plays" the piano. You may remember her from her previous performance, which earned her a spot in the Las Vegas auditions. This one put her through to the Hollywood round.

Carlos Aponte traveled all the way from Puerto Rico to audition for America's Got Talent. Judging from his demeanor in his pre-performance segment, one assumed the awkward, shy man would deliver a predictably awful performance.

These two sisters scored big last night on America's Got Talent by singing their way to Las Vegas, despite both having Cystic Fibrosis. Watch as they describe the challenges facing them, then proceed to rock the house.

Auditions were held in two of America's weirdest cities, Orlando and Portland, for last night's two-part episode. A "magician" fell off stage and Nick Cannon grinded with an up and coming diva. Slow motion fails and other highlights after link.

Page Six is flogging a rumor that America's Got Talent judge (and actual journalist) Piers Morgan will take over for CNN's ratings-plagued Larry King in October. We really want the guy to retire, but can't we do better than Piers?

America's Got Talent featured a cook/waitress couple that found some use for knives outside the kitchen. Even more entertaining than the act? Watching Howie freak out at the thought of licking metal.

Alice Tan Ridley has made a living for the past 20 years performing in the NYC subway. Oh, she's also Precious star Gabourey Sidibe's mother. But yesterday on America's Got Talent, all eyes were on Ridley. Her inspiring performance, inside.

Last night on America's Got Talent, Mary won back the audience by whipping out her mad yodeling skills. She looks like a whack-job Sharon Osbourne, acts like Jane Lynch and is just plain amazing.

Today at Gawker.TV, Jon Stewart has ideas for fighting unemployment, America's Got Talent comedian bombs-yet-survives by insulting the audience, Gordon Ramsay kicks off a Hell's Kitchen contestant, and Chris Rock calls Jay Leno a "bad, bad man" to his face.