Keyboardist Marty Crandall of the Shins (their latest album is titled Wincing the Night Away!) was arrested for allegedly pounding on his model girlfriend. The victim—Elyse Sewell, who was on the first season of America's Next Top Model, has a Livejournal, in which she explains that dude got drunk in a Sacramento hotel room and hit her. She quickly locked the entry, but she says she'll unlock it after court date. Pitchfork posted the entirety of the entry before lockdown:

Due to "scheduling conflicts" (riiiight), British supermodel Twiggy is being replaced as 'America's Next Top Model' judge by another ex-model, the noted author and Ric Ocasek-wife Paulina Porizkova. Oh no! How will we now know whether or not the camera loves someone? [Hollywood Reporter]

No, not you, Tyra Banks! You are looking positively svelte on this cycle of ANTM, even adroitly covering up your "vagina arms" most of the time. (Your stank attitude is another story—that moment on last night's episode when you corrected Twiggy's pronunciation of "Bianca" was salty. She has a British accent, okay?) Anyway, Intern Mary has compiled the body mass indexes of every contestant on every cycle since the dawn of America's Next Top Model. A BMI of below 18.5 is considered underweight, fyi.

So Rich from the blog Fourfour was forced to post a video recap of last week's episode of 'America's Next Top Model' because his computer crashed and, well! We so aren't just saying this because some of us want to have sex with Rich and others of us want to be his best friend-catsitter: the dude has mad skills and should be getting paid to be on television. Do they still pay people to be on television?

On last night's season premiere of America's Next Top Model, a homeless girl named Maritza came out onto the stage before judges Miss Jay, Jay Alexander, and Tyra Banks. Her cheeks were already slick with tears. "Why are you crying?" Tyra asked, affecting her trademark icecold laser stare accompanied by taut smile. "I'm just overwhelmed, I never thought I'd be standing here," sniffled Maritza. Tyra quickly forced Maritza to reiterate some facts that had been established in a pre-interview: she'd been in foster care, she'd been treated badly. "I've been... beat down by a lot of people. Raped, molested," Maritza quavered. "Why don't you talk about that?" Tyra suggested. Later in the episode, Maritza earnestly told the camera, "This [show] is the only way out for me." She didn't make it to the final 13. Duh!

And it's 'Top Model' winner Jaslene's Seventeen cover, and it's so, so, so, so butt. [Fashionista]

Last week, in a frenzy of streamlining, we killed the morning gossip roundup. Well, we were crazy! Now back by popular demand!

You may have noticed city bus ads rolling around town touting the latest season of America's Next Top Model. On it, host Tyra Banks poses dramatically by a waterfall, surrounded by the latest batch of aspiring models/ catfight - experts/ bi-curious lust-objects vying for the ANTM crown. (The photo is rendered all the more impressive when you consider that just out of camera range were approximately two dozen hungry alligators and a school of piranha hungrily snapping at the models' feet, as Mr. Jay shouted, "I don't care how many toes you have left! Look sexier!") The residents of Santa Monica, however, were none too pleased by the traveling hoochie-show on display:

Well, Caridee may have won the competition, but Melrose won the real prize. If that's a prize. Who wants to be the one to tell her that he's not really an agent?

Nancy Jo Sales's article about "America's Next Top Mogul" in February's Vanity Fair (not online, god damn it) contains not one but two glaring inaccuracies.

For anyone who wishes America's Next Top Model were just a little more real, Ford Models has announced that its next "Supermodel of the World" contest will have its own channel on YouTube, where everyone will be able to see models cavorting in their natural habitats. The agency is also giving the models their own video cameras to record their experiences in video diaries:

"I must say that I just freaking loved this book! I didn't put it down until I was done with it, it was that awesome! If asked to describe Secrets of the Model Dorm, one word immediately comes to mind: DRAMA!"

If you care at all about the outcome of America's Next Top Model, please, for the love of CariDee and all that is holy, STOP READING NOW.
Seriously. STOP! We mean it.

• LA Civil Court filing clerks rue the day any celebrities decided to get divorced. [LAT]
  

Variety reports that the Writer's Guild of America filed a formal complaint with the National Labor Relations Board, claiming that producer Ken Mok has violated federal labor laws by refusing to reinstate former Television Without Pity recapper Daniel J. Blau and his fellow fired writers.
The most worrisome part of the article, for Top Model fans, is the note in the complaint that Mok had "informed the strikers that they no longer have jobs because the next cycle of the show will be produced without writers."
Produced without writers?!? So does that mean there will be more or less dialogue like this?

Daniel J. Blau is kind of like the guy who went from being in a Judas Priest cover band to being in Judas Priest: he used to recap America's Next Top model at Television Without Pity, and then he was plucked from obscurity to write for the show itself. His life from that point on was as magical and fascinating as Tyra's weave — until he and his fellow writers asked the CW network for fancy, decadent "benefits" and "health insurance." Silly writer! After a two-month strike in order to gain union status, he and his fellow ANTM employees are unemployed.
We feel for Daniel, even though we have to admit that we haven't seen a precipitous drop in the quality of the show this, uh, 'cycle' (go CariDee)! Relatedly, a tipster writes that the WGA (Writer's Guild of America) has filed an unfair labor practice charge against Ken Mok, the show's producer. We're torn: we want justice for Daniel, of course, but we don't want anything to happen that would jeopardize our ritualistic Wednesday 'model'-mockery. We'll keep you posted . . . because, undoubtedly, you SO care.

Today in the wild, wacky and self-promoting world of Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein, the 'Toos has apparently struck a deal with the freaks behind the model "dramality" show, America's Next Top Model: Cycle 47. According to WWD, the winning model will land the mag's February cover and Rubenstein will be joining the show as a judge. At least she's keeping busy; it's not like she has anything better to do, like edit a magazine or something.

• Tyra would not be pleased with Top Model winner Eva Pigford's cheesy photo selection for her birthday party invites. (Soiree is tomorrow at Lotus, if you're feeling trashy!) [Cityrag]
• Our passport-abusing brother Gridskipper is looking for your nominations for the best urban blogs out there; stop on by and nominate your favorite Rio bathhouse blog. We know you've got one. [Gridskipper
• Loews hotels, finally having learned of this newfangled Seth Cohen phenomenon, offers Christmukah menus. Life imitates soapy teen dramas. [PDN]
• A New York attitude isn't necessarily what they want in New Hampshire. [Boston Phoenix]
• It seems that American Media's Starry offices have been finally cleared of anthrax. Pity. [Jossip]