Andy Borowitz, a man who throws darts at major headlines and calls it satire, is a blight on his supposed genre. Which is to say, Andy Borowitz is great at his job.

"When you see the headline 'Courageous Senators Stand Up to American People' or 'Facebook Unveils New Waste of Time,' you know you’re reading Andy Borowitz." Can't argue with that.

NEW YORK, NY. (The Borowitz Report Report)—Hack New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz left the internet stunned this afternoon by deleting a joke from his Twitter account—presumably after realizing it was not funny. Has Andy Borowitz developed standards?

NEW YORK, NY. (The Borowitz Report Report)—A brilliant beam of sun broke through the clouds of tragedy this weekend when New Yorker humorist wrote a hilarious satirical news article pegged to the Aurora, Colorado theater shooting.

"The Borowitz Report," a satirical news website written by Andy Borowitz, will now be hosted on the website of The New Yorker, the legendary weekly magazine that once published James Thurber and Dorothy Parker. Borowitz, unsurprisingly, has been a long-time contributor to "Shouts and Murmurs"; now, as a flagship blogger for the website, he'll join Malcolm Gladwell, David Denby, Jonah Lehrer and Adam Gopnik as one of the magazine's best-known names.

In your tragic Tuesday media column: Rush Limbaugh's ratings tank, Andy Borowitz is plagiarized, Bloomberg View is set to launch, today's Adweek argument, and you online readers of the NYT aren't worth jack.

According to an internal memo, JetBlue hates hero flight attendant Steven Slater for being awesome. But Steven Slater still wants to work for them. How does Slater not realize that this is never, ever going to happen?

On Monday, abused JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater stole two beers and left his grounded plane via the emergency slide. JetBlue has mostly kept mum—except to scold comedian Andy Borowitz for making bad jokes on Twitter.

Michael Stipe turns 50 today. Actress Julia Ormond is turning 45. Comedian/satirist Andy Borowitz is 52. Director Harmony Korine (Kids, Gummo) turns 37. Presidential historian and author Doris Kearns Goodwin is turning 67. Comic actor Dave Foley (NewsRadio) is turning 47. And retired football coach Don Shula is 80 today.

So: someone at a Bolivian television station and someone at a Dutch radio station are sitting around on a Sunday, probably bored. And then, boom: they think they scooped the world with footage from Air France Flight 447.

Are you sick of Jon and Kate Gosselin? Probably. But that's not going to stop the media from writing about them. They apparently just discovered the story, and in a room in Minnesota, news types are wringing their hands over missing it for so long.

Christy Turlington celebrates her 40th today. Taye Diggs is turning 37. Kate Bosworth is turning 26. Former Times reporter Judy Miller is 61. Loews CEO Jim Tisch is 56. Restaurateur Michael Lomonaco is turning 54. Marshall Rose, real estate developer and husband of Candice Bergen, is 72. Actress Paz Vega is 32. Cuba Gooding Jr. is 41. Former House speaker Dennis Hastert is 67. And Michael Bloomberg's mother, Charlotte, celebrates 100 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Last night at Capitale, The Moth celebrated ten years of storytelling. Media polymath Kurt Andersen, Jewy comedian Andy Borowitz, Irish actor Gabriel Byrne, potter Jonathan Adler and Lili Taylor all sat at one table in the front. Harper's figurehead Lewis Lapham didn't show. The main event: The New Yorker's Adam Gopnik would engage in heated storytelling duel with co-worker Malcolm Gladwell. Real estate mini-mogul Adam Gordon sat at the same table as Garrison Keillor, who was there to receive the first-ever Moth Award Honoring the Art of the Raconteur. Keillor looks like Dwight Schrute from "The Office" and is much funnier in person than on his overly precious show. Also he spat chevre on my hands and I haven't washed them since. Nikola Tamindzic was there, drawn like a shutterbug to an event.

"The loss of my school-related stuff was huge, but a lot of my personal life was also archived on that laptop. I had all my photos, calendars and contact lists on that computer as well as a bunch of more quirky and obsessive things that helped me feel like I had a life and an existence (a record of every menstrual cycle for the last seven years, every love letter I'd ever written, an outline for a cheesy romance novel, an ongoing list of essay ideas I could use when I was finally done with graduate school hell and could pursue my passion, writing humor).
—"Since You Asked", Salon.com

Today, the Post's nutty grandma takes another stab at one-upping the Onion's Jackie Harvey: