America's premiere cable news network first debuted on the airwaves at 6pm on June 1, 1980. What a memorable three decades it's been. Short of doing an exhaustive retrospective, let's take a condensed look at some of network's finest moments.

Phyllis Nefler took a break from lounging by the pool issuing bon mots to the assembled C-list celebrities at her feet to score today's New York Times wedding announcements. It is Memorial Day weekend. Wedding season has begun in earnest.

Forty years ago today, National Guard troops opened fire on protesting students at Kent State University, killing four and wounding nine. Let us remember them every time we walk away unharmed after taking over a food court.

The Iraq War is seven years old. No one responsible for it is in jail.

Twenty years ago today, Nelson Mandela was released from prison in South Africa after 27 years. He was imprisoned thanks to apartheid, which has since been proven to be stupid. You know you need to watch Sarafina today, to celebrate.

The Simpsons just celebrated its 20th Anniversary, and names like Homer and Bart have become ingrained upon our cultural identity. However, they've invented many other names, not as immediately recognizable. Here's a massive compilation of the best and funniest.

It's been twenty wonderful years (some more wonderful than others) that The Simpsons have been caricatures of the American dream. What better way to celebrate than in song? Here are the greatest Simpsons musical numbers from the show's auspicious run.

The Way Live Now: Commemorating with hatred. One year ago on this day—or maybe over the weekend some time, or later this week...something—our economy collapsed, and recessionomics was born. Happy one year of suffering, for nothing!

On this day in 1835, the New York Sun published the first in a series of articles detailing the wondrous discoveries of life forms and civilization on the moon. It was all downhill for the New York Sun after that.

Today is the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. China is celebrating by attempting to censor every single piece of information, anywhere, pertaining to the incident. Let's review China's tactics for keeping this anniversary a big secret:

Happy Terrorist Fist Jab Anniversary Day! On June 3, 2008, the Obamas gave each other a pound as he locked up the nomination, shocking whites everywhere. Now—as Dr. King dreamed—it's accepted. A year of Obama pounds, in photos.

Happy Sixth Anniversary of the War in Iraq! Sort of! The war began on March 20, 2003, Baghdad time, so we're totally not late. Let's look back at the lies!

Dear important scientist Tim Berners-Lee: Thank you for inventing the World Wide Web 20 years ago. It's really great and stuff! But were you aware of the crimes committed in your name?

Every generation that logs on thinks they invented the Internet. With Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg may actually have done it. His social network turns five today, and in that time, it has actually changed the world.

Did you know that last Friday marked Eliot and Silda Spitzer's 21st wedding anniversary? Neither did we! Fortunately, the Daily News was thoughtful enough to send a reporter to cover the momentous occasion, who found the couple celebrating over breakfast at E.A.T on the Upper East Side: "She had toast. He had oatmeal. They shared laughs." Don't forget: breakfast is the most important meal of the day! [NYDN]

While you're celebrating another Friday with Irish car bombs, smokes, and An Actor's Guide to Manorexia (or tequila, for those of you who aren't Colin Farrell), perhaps you don't realize we all have a much bigger reason to celebrate today – it's Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's four month anniversary! As with all immature 15-year-olds, these two lovebirds are professing their love via text message. But words alone will never portray true love (suck it, Shakespeare), they need the stuff! So kick back with a bottle of Cuervo, and allow us to present our Top 10 Gift Ideas for this adorably new couple!

Not only is today the 40th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination; as both news stories and commenters have pointed out, it's the 41st anniversary of his historic speech opposing the Vietnam War. That speech was groundbreaking in the truest sense; there was bitter division within the civil rights movement over whether King should take on the war at all. Many felt it would distract from his core goal of racial equality. "And when I hear them, though I often understand the source of their concern, I am nevertheless greatly saddened," King said. "For such questions mean that the inquirers have not really known me, my commitment or my calling. Indeed, their questions suggest that they do not know the world in which they live." Below, you can listen to his entire speech. It's long. But there's nobody alive in modern day America who can make such a plea with equivalent effect, despite our need for one now. And that's the end of the serious items for the week.

Today, you must have heard, is the 40th anniversary of civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination. He was shot to death while standing on the balcony of a Memphis hotel at 6:01 p.m. on April 4, 1968. The night before, he had given his last speech—the prophetic "I've been to the Mountaintop" sermon—in which he told the crowd, "Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now." King was tired, and had to be specially cajoled to go to the church that night; he ended up delivering his own eulogy. Considering the circumstances, it was his most moving speech of all. Were he alive today, King would be nearing his 80th birthday. A full clip of the speech is below. Have we reached the promised land yet?

Did you know that cubicles have been around 40 years? In celebration of that fact, why not set your cubicle on fire and burn down your entire office? Just a thought. Appropriately enough, Scott Adams, the guy who draws your once-favorite-now-annoying office cartoon "Dilbert" has helped to design the CUBICLE OF THE FUTURE. One that can actually be purchased! Is he qualified for this at all? I don't see how he could be. Why not just send all cubicles to Iraq and everybody work from home from now on? Oh, that wouldn't be in the Dilbert spirit! So here's a look at some of the real features of "Dilbert's Ultimate Cubicle." There's no way these things are gonna sell.

Ten years ago, on December 17, 1997, Jorn Barger coined the term "web log" for a webpage where an author "logs" the other webpages they find interesting. Since then, blogging has become serious business for some and a place for nonsensical blabber for others. Though Dave Winer frequently claims that he was the first to launch a weblog at Scripting News, it was really just an online archive of columns rejected by HotWired. Jorn Barger had the first true weblog worthy of the name at Robot Wisdom.