It’s a tale old as time: the elite climb atop the backs of the workers, trampling those in their way to survive.

Have you ever carefully stockpiled trash, only to have it disappear the moment your back was turned? According to a study published Tuesday from researchers at North Carolina State University, ants could be the culprit.

It's nearing the midnight hour on this special blood moon evening on the East Coast, but whatever time it is where you are—day or night—prepare yourself for horror. Near Cochabamba, Bolivia, two men who stole motorbikes from nearby Amazon villagers, were tied up to two trees and tortured ruthlessly by venomous ants.

Monstrous "crazy ants" from Argentina and Brazil have invaded Texas and the American Southeast, driving out the already awful fire ant and making life even more miserable for those living in the South.

Flirting with strangers is nerve-wracking. You don't want your flirts to come across as boring, but walking the tightrope between "intriguing" and "crazy" can be perilous. Even seasoned pros occasionally skew toward the latter. Take Cuba Gooding, Jr., for example. On Monday, he told a lady at a party that his name was Dick McWilly AND that he'd just gotten out of jail AND that he'd had sex with a leprechaun.

As Americans slowly masturbate their pudgy, formless bodies into oblivion, it has become increasingly clear that soon a new species will arise to fill the void once occupied by the only race to have set foot on the moon. And, lo, here is that species: The "Hairy Crazy Ant."

Ant sex! Bacteria attack! Sleep screwing! Quantum internet! Atlantis shuttle! Safe playgrounds! Disappearing diamonds! Star formation! Asteroid scars! And the bug that haunts your every waking moment! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—on the down low!

Paleoentomologist Bruce Archibald has identified a Wyoming fossil as a "monstrously big ant." How big? About the size of a two-inch hummingbird, as you can see above. So, yes, "monstrously big."

Super computers! Narcissistic kids! Harvard scandals! Floating ants! Big lasers! Lying Superman! Magic batteries! Anti-helium! And sexxxy peacock pimping secrets! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—bitingly!

A few weeks ago, the Smithsonian removed a work of art from an exhibition over complaints that it was offensive to Christians. Now the Andy Warhol Foundation—which gave $100,000 for the exhibition—says it'll stop funding Smithsonian shows.

Reps. John Boehner and Eric Cantor, the two leading House Republicans, have issued a warning to the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery: Take down that exhibit where Jesus is covered with ants, or face "tough scrutiny" next year. [Update below]

PMS decoded! Neurosurgery! Stapled peptides! Ants on McDonald's! Eggs that kill! More smoking cancer! Chronic fatigue solved! And gluten-free crapola! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—consuming Wheaties by the barrel!

Remember that brain fungus that forces "zombie ants" to leave their colonies and march around feeding a fungal organism in their brains until one day it pops out and kills them? What if the terrorists get their hands on it?

The Ophiocordyceps fungus, which grows inside ants and releases chemicals to control their behavior, has been around for 48 million years, according to scientists, who matched the zombie ants' distinctive bite patterns to fossils. Up next for fungal zombification: Us.

Giant 3D ants take over a building near Minute Maid Stadium after a recent Astros game. Houston, known for its crazy raspberry ants that eat at electrical equipment, was the target of this massive ad campaign.