apologies
Cord Jefferson · 06/21/13 03:45PM
Paula Deen, in Full Drag Makeup, Begs You For Forgiveness
Caity Weaver · 06/21/13 02:11PMRapidly decaying Georgia peach Paula Deen has just posted, removed, and reposted (UPDATE: and removed) a choppy, heavily edited YouTube video statement in which she solemnly begs for forgiveness from "you" (us) (black people?), her children, her team, her fans, and her partners "for the mistakes that I've made."
Cord Jefferson · 06/19/13 11:22AM
Serena Williams has apologized for her "she got too drunk" comments concerning the Steubenville rape victim, but not without suggesting that maybe the reporter made it all up: "What was written—what I supposedly said—is insensitive and hurtful, and I by no means would say or insinuate that she was at all to blame."
Joe Francis To His "Retarded" Jury: Just Kidding!
Rich Juzwiak · 05/23/13 09:55AMIt was not inevitable that Joe Francis would issue an apology for his remarks to The Hollywood Reporter suggesting the jurors who recently convicted him for unlawful imprisonment should be executed. But what was inevitable is that if an apology were to surface, it would be full of assy qualifications, self-entitlement and victim-playing. And so it has, and so it is. Below is the "apology" Francis issued because someone obviously told him to do it, although they failed to inform him how to do it:
Watch Howard Kurtz Offer a Brutally Awkward Mea Culpa on His Own Show
Max Rivlin-Nadler · 05/05/13 11:37AMMaggie Lange · 04/23/13 03:55PM
Petraeus Apologizes for Having an Affair that Led to His Resignation from CIA Director
Maggie Lange · 03/27/13 08:17AMIn his first public speech since he stepped down, former CIA director David Petraeus apologized for the extramarital affair that led to his departure. "I regret—and apologize for—the circumstances that led to my resignation from the CIA and caused such pain for my family, friends and supporters," he told the audience of 600, including his wife and many decorated veterans, at the University of Southern California's annual ROTC dinner.
Tina Fey Responds to Taylor Swift's Vanity Fair Diss by Telling Her to Grow a Pair, Basically
Caity Weaver · 03/06/13 02:47PMConfessions of a Teenage Word-Bully
John Cook · 01/04/13 03:30PMIt is 1986. We are 13- and 14-year-olds, rank-smelling in unwashed teenager jeans, unsupervised and latch-keyed after school, huddled around the face of the future: The screen of a first-generation Apple Macintosh personal computer. Within the machine's non-dairy creamer-colored casing is a malleable visual playground unlike anything we had seen before: Manic fonts, brick-wall patterns summoned with a mouse-click and distorted at will, spray-paint lines of variable size and density.
Kristen Stewart Finally Apologizes to the People of the World for 'Making Them So Angry'
Caity Weaver · 12/19/12 02:05PMStevie Wonder on Frank Ocean: 'Some People [Are] Confused'
Louis Peitzman · 09/01/12 10:35AMRashida Jones Apologizes for Reminding Everyone That John Travolta Is Gay
Louis Peitzman · 08/14/12 06:39PMKristen Stewart Sorry For Sucking Face With Old Human Instead of Young Vampire Boyfriend
Leah Beckmann · 07/25/12 01:55PMKristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Snow White and the Huntsmen director Rupert Sanders. Rupert Sanders cheated on his wife Liberty Ross with Kristen Stewart. And both, under the spell of some mysterious PR draught, issued statements within minutes of each other apologizing to their cheatees.
Cruise Ship Captain Responsible for 32 Deaths Delivers Impressive Non-Apology
Caity Weaver · 07/11/12 03:20PMThe captain of the cruise ship Costa Concordia, which cost 32 passengers their lives when it capsized back in January (allegedly because the captain was literally showboating for a friend on the shore) gave his first full interview about the accident Wednesday. He's way less sorry than you might expect.
Mitt Romney's Hotmail Hacker Would Like You to Know That He Is Very, Very Sorry
John Cook · 06/06/12 03:55PMYesterday, a tipster sent us a note indicating that he had successfully accessed Mitt Romney's Hotmail and DropBox accounts after guessing the answer to a security question—Romney's favorite pet. The Romney campaign later confirmed that "the proper authorities are investigating [the] crime." Now that tipster has written a letter of apology to Romney. Here it is.
Barbara Walters Sorry for Trying to Get Assad Aide into Columbia (UPDATE)
Neetzan Zimmerman · 06/06/12 10:26AMH&M Is Sorry It Used a Tan Supermodel to Sell Swimsuits, Guys
Caity Weaver · 05/10/12 06:34PMChet Haze Apologizes For Being Too Badass For You Haters
Hamilton Nolan · 05/10/12 04:10PMNorthwestern University theater major and former Los Angeles resident Chester "Chet" "Chet Haze" Hanks caused a minor uproar yesterday when he took a brave stand on the Twitter against bullying victims who commit suicide. Alas, thanks to the pussyassness of the world at large, Chet has been forced to apologize.