A 20-year-old sex tape starring rapper and Kiwi-in-hiding Tupac Shakur has suddenly popped up for some reason. Highlights include singing, dancing, and a cameo from Money B from Digital Underground. Oh, and sex! Only oral, though. [Image via AP]

News that Texas governor and Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry used to hang out and hunt at some west Texas hunting camp called "Niggerhead" hasn't made him too many new friends among the American public. Oh well! At least he's still got his old friends to support and help him. Or hurt him. Helpfully hurt him.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.

Mike Huckabee is "taking another look at jumping in" the presidential race, according to two Reuters sources who may or may not know anything. Anyone else want to hop aboard the Desperation Express? Poppy Bush? Nancy Reagan? Alessio Rastani?

Well now HERE's something wacky: even though white folks in America are losing the baby-having contest, our numbers just keep rising on the latest census. Why? Because we run that shit. But also: everyone wants to be white!

Boeing thought a lot of employees who work on military aircraft at their factory in Ridley Park, Pennsylvania were on drugs. So they brought in the feds.

Michelle Obama was snapped Thursday at the Target store in Alexandria, Virginia. (Click image to enlarge, if you don't believe us!) Hidden beneath a Nike cap and sunglasses, the First Lady pushed her own cart around the store for approximately 30 minutes, and was recognized only by her cashier. The White House confirmed that it was indeed Mrs. Obama rummaging through the discount Missoni chemise bin, with First Lady communications director Kristina Schake explaining, "It is not uncommon for the First Lady to slip out to run an errand, eat at a local restaurant or otherwise enjoy the city outside the White House gates." Will this be the TP-run that loses Obama the union vote? Developing! [Photo credit: AP]

It turns out you can unite liberal and conservative members of Congress. Just bring up Facebook! The co-chairs of the Congressional Privacy Caucus — a Republican from Texas and a Dem from Massachusetts — have teamed up to write a letter pushing the FTC to investigate the social network.

The Occupy Wall Street protesters — who the New York Times and other such venues had told me were too vague, too in need of glitzy PowerPoint presentations with concrete goals, too poorly dressed, too busy playing drums, too hypocritical because they used "computers" and other modern products, too middle-class, and in general too gross to sustain any interest for more than a few days, therefore making it not worth doing — have persevered long enough to convince veteran reinforcements to join them next week. Interesting!

Did you or any Californians you know vote for Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 2003 California gubernatorial recall election because you thought it would be funny? Good for a laugh? The source of years of bad "Governator" jokes, and so on? Then you heard the campaign message clearly, because that's why Schwarzenegger chose to run, too.

Herman Cain has taken our and everyone else's snide "pizza man for president" jokes and stuffed them right in our fat faces! How? By having a week of political success, and at least briefly reaching the top tier of presidential candidates. He prefers to be called Sir President McWinning Pizza Man, now, please, thank you.

Is it possible that Michele Bachmann's campaign has not been managing its money well? Word is she's in "dire" financial straits, and refuses to make fundraising calls. Everyone donate a couple grand to keep the funny going!

In July, Jamie Leigh Jones lost her federal civil trial against KBR—one of America's most capable government contractors—when a Houston jury determined that her coworkers had never drugged, raped, and shoved her into a shipping container. Or maybe they had, but she'd been asking for it—you know, like KBR said.

A Redditor has dug up a comment thread on Officer.com—an online forum for the law enforcement community—in which several forum members crack jokes about all the pepper-spraying that went on during Saturday's Occupy Wall Street protest. One man's burning eyes is another man's source of laughter, as the old saying goes.

Jared Lee Loughner returned to court today, where authorities established that the accused mass murderer is still insane. According to a government psychiatrist, Loughner believes he killed Gabrielle Giffords, has "several imaginary friends," and lost TV privileges because he thought the tube was sending him messages. When doctors informed him that he is insane, he was reportedly "devastated." [NYT, images via AP]

What's the latest and greatest jobs proposal from the pride of the nation, your 112th Congress? This week, it's called "taking the week off." But when the House comes back for its light work schedule next week, longtime Alaska Rep. Don Young plans to introduce this... thing: A bill "to repeal every single federal regulation put in place since 1991." Lord knows how many all-nighters his staff pulled tweaking the details of this beast.

The New York Times has belatedly picked up the flag of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, with columnist Jim Dwyer arguing that the wanton pepper-spraying of a group of female demonstrators by an NYPD inspector was "like a punch in the face." It was! The only difference between the two, when you think about it, is that with the pepper-spray incident, no one got punched in the face.

Deposed Libyan leader Col. Muammar Qaddafi is "believed to be hiding near the western town of Ghadames near the Algerian border under the protection of Tuareg tribesmen," according to a Libyan official. Very surprising news! We were guessing Cleveland.

Half a century ago, heroes like Martin Luther X and Rose Park risked their lives by marching on top of lunch counters so that kids of all races would one day have the right to catch a few "Z's" in class while the teacher showed a filmstrip of the "I Have a Dream" speech. And how do kids these days repay those civil rights heroes? By not knowing a damn thing about them.

Do you sometimes wish you could shrink your pet crocodile just a little, to make it less frightening and threatening to your family's safety? Sadly, you'll have to make do with your oversized pet for now, but the Americans of the future (if there is a future, ha!) might enjoy smaller crocodiles and other cold-blooded pets thanks to global warming (which isn't actually real).