Momentously eyebrowed useless old crank Andy Rooney has finally said enough. Just a day after CBS announced that the befuddled nonagenarian would return to his slot on 60 Minutes next week, they're announcing that next week will be Rooney's last appearance on the show. He's been there since 1978. About fucking time.
South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, in what was eerily like the product of a micromanager's latest, dreaded "Aha!" moment, has ordered all state workers to answer the phone with this greeting line from now on: "It's a great day in South Carolina. How can I help you?" Cute! Hmm.
Former New York City Mayor Ed Koch recently endorsed Republican Bob Turner in the special election for Anthony Weiner's old congressional seat, helping him pull off the upset against Democrat Dave Weprin. Koch, who supported Obama in 2008, wanted to punish the Democratic party over "President Obama's open hostility to the State of Israel." But that was all a few weeks ago! He's now changed his mind and endorsed Obama, after being invited to a fancy party.
In your torpid Tuesday media column: Bill O'Reilly has another idiot book coming out, MSNBC is doing poorly, Salon.com relaunches, James Murdoch's flack quits, and speculation on Time Inc's next CEO.
Tareq blames everything on Journey, then nuzzles a whoremonger and poses sexily in bed. Naomi Campbell blames her bad personality on abandonment issues. Kate Middleton spends four hours doing her hair. A male TV actor comes out of the closet. Tuesday gossip stopped believin' years ago.
Which Republican politician's turn is it next to be summoned into the presidential race and then immediately dismissed and hated by the party base over a pragmatic policy stance or two? Perhaps the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who still has no interest in running for president but may be kidnapped in the middle of the night by a few whiny hedge fund managers and reprogrammed (forced at gunpoint) into "taking the plunge."
New York City is the world's greatest cultural melting pot, so it stands to reason that its police force would be a beacon of tolerance and understanding. Right? Sorry. It turns out some NYPD officers may be racist.
Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.
Attention pig farmers! Thieves who may or may not be operating in "well-organized rings" have been stealing hundreds of pigs owned by your Minnesota and Iowa brethren—most likely to sell as emotional-support animals the pork chops and hams of the future. Your porcine pals could be next!
The congressional dispute over how to replenish FEMA's disaster relief coffers — which, if not resolved by September 30, could shut down the government — will resume on Monday. Go enjoy a national park while you still can! How about the Washington Monument? Oh, nevermind, the earthquake cracked that sucker good. In that case, do whatever the hell you want.
Last year, when Israeli Ambassador Michael Oren announced his intention to speak at the University of California at Irvine, some members of the school's Muslim Students Union plotted to inform Oren of their feelings about some of Israel's policies. They used their voices to do so. This is illegal!
The chief executive and chief financial officers of Solyndra, the California solar panel manufacturer that took a half-billion dollars in federal loan guarantees in 2009 and promptly went bankrupt, leaving taxpayers on the hook, were given an opportunity to explain themselves today before a congressional committee today. They took the Fifth.
Iranian President/huge Whitney fan Mahmoud Ahmadinejad provoked walkouts at an address to the United Nations General Assembly on Thursday. What was the big deal?
German fashion label Hugo Boss issued a formal apology for that little blip on its resume — the one about them outfitting millions of Nazi soldiers. The acknowledgement comes on the clicked heels of a new book about the company, commissioned by Hugo Boss themselves in order to shed some light on the era.
It's just not good enough to kill them, in Texas. Because following last night's execution of Lawrence Brewer, a white supremacist who killed a black man by dragging his body from the back of his pick-up truck and eventually severed his head, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice has decided to stop granting special "last meals" to those being executed. Brewer's meal, see, was over-the-top!
It's your lucky day, everyone: You have the opportunity to give Sarah Palin lots of money! And if you give her enough money she might just run for president. That's the deal. Do you, by any chance, feel like you might be getting played? Well stop feeling that way and hand over the fucking cash.
