apple
STOLEN: iPad Prototype, Prescription Drugs, $7500 Cash—Oh, Also a Man
Ashley Feinberg · 04/30/15 03:03PM“Some heartless monster stole an iPad prototype from an Apple developer’s home in Cupertino,” begins nearly every article written about the incident. It’s still at large! They took drugs and money! Did we mention the iPad? Oh—and a man was also kidnapped. But please do let us know if you hear anything about that iPad.
Emoji God Is Dead
Sam Biddle · 03/20/15 02:45PMTake the Pledge: I Will Not Have Sex With Anyone Who Wears an AppleWatch
Sam Biddle · 03/10/15 03:40PMImagine: you're lying in bed, the perfume of lovemaking still stinging your nostrils and firing your neurons, legs tangled with your partner. Baby, that sex with you was so good, you coo, rolling over—only to discover that your partner is wearing a gold miniature smartphone on his wrist. Don't ever let this happen.
An Impressively Catchy Pop Song Written With iOS 8's Predictive Text
Andy Cush · 10/13/14 05:23PMApple Reportedly Paid Over $100 Million to Infect Your Phone With U2
Jordan Sargent · 09/12/14 03:42PMAccording to Billboard, Apple is reportedly pouring at least $100 million into a campaign surrounding U2's new album, which you may be aware of after it was put onto your phone without your consent. A large sum of that money went directly to U2, while the public got a new U2 album for free. Let's tally up the winners and losers of this transaction.
Eva Longoria Says Star-Struck Apple Employees Stole Her Information
Gabrielle Bluestone · 09/02/14 08:15PMJimmy Kimmel Sells Gullible Apple Fans on a Fake iWatch
Jay Hathaway · 07/25/14 12:16PMFlorida Won't Let This Guy Marry His Laptop Full of Porn
Jay Hathaway · 05/05/14 03:35PMIf there's one thing Mark "Chris" Sevier loves, it's jerking off. If there's another, it's filing lawsuits. The man who sued Apple because it sold him a computer that allowed him to get addicted to porn is now getting involved in Florida's gay marriage debate by demanding he be allowed to marry that same porn-infested computer.
Heart of Blandness: A Walking Tour of Silicon Valley
Ken Layne · 02/28/14 05:19PMWalking is the only pleasant form of traveling by land. You need no special equipment, training, money, e-tickets, antidepressants, or Twitter followers. Whatever clothes you're wearing will do fine; a hat and shoes are optional. When I've got a few days to spend somewhere, I spend them walking around. So I spent a few days walking around Silicon Valley.
Fake Apple Store Employee Pranks Shoppers, Apologizes for Polio
Taylor Berman · 01/31/14 01:55PMLast week, comedian Tyler Fischer posed as an Apple employee and pranked unsuspecting shoppers at four Apple Stores in New York City. Among other things, he tells people that—because Apple engineers invented several incurable diseases—syphilitic shoppers and those in the "polio community" can get up 75% off select products.