The Silicon Valley tech corps is doubtless too exhausted and giddy from liveblogging today's Steve Jobs keynote at Apple's Worldwide Developers Conference to rake it over the coals. Please, allow us. Here's a recap of what Jobs announced — and how much impact it will have on the Valley.1. Almost a million Apple developers. Jobs threw this out casually, but the number of programmers registered with Apple for updates is up 25 percent in a year. That's a huge victory for Apple, which has long suffered from a lack of Mac apps compared to Windows. Impact: 9 Surprise: 5 2. Apple's got game. Every five years or so, Jobs trots out John Carmack of Id Software, who proclaims his renewed enthusiasm for the Mac platform. The only problem: Jobs does this only every five years or so. Today's promises of more Mac games should be viewed in that light: Apple owes its weak lineup of Mac games to its on-again, off-again approach to videogame developers. Impact: 3 Surprise: 1 3. Log into your Mac from anywhere. Most of Jobs's Mac OS X Leopard was a rehash of already announced features. But this was new and significant: You'll be able to use Apple's .Mac service to log into your home Mac from any other Mac. That's a good reason for families with one Mac to add another. In other words, unlike most of Leopard's ho-hum new features, this one could actually lead to more Mac sales. Impact: 7 Surprise: 10 4. iPhone will run Web apps. A brilliant move that at once weakens Microsoft, strengthens Google, and quiets critics: Apple will let Ajax-ified Web applications like Gmail run on the iPhone. Some had demanded that Apple open up the iPhone to allow programmers to write native applications, a move Jobs resisted because of security and bandwidth concerns. By making the iPhone a platform for Web apps, Jobs is giving that nascent software platform a boost, while discouraging programmers from writing Windows-only apps. Impact: 9 Surprise: 8 5. Google and Apple integration — not! Less than two hours ago, every tech pundit on the planet was predicting that Google ZCEO Eric Schmidt would take the stage, Google and Apple would strike a deal to integrate Google's back-end Web services like email into the Mac, and Apple would make its .Mac service free. He didn't show, and it didn't happen. Impact: 0 Surprise: 10

We hate to interrupt the Apple lovefest with a tiresome observation about currency markets. But for anyone still outside the reality distortion field, here's some required reading: A Wall Street Journal article about the rise in value of the South Korean won (reg. required). Here's why this is bad news for the iPhone.What's an iPhone? Mostly a metal and plastic package for a flash-memory chip and an LCD screen. And where do those come from? Largely from South Korea, home to Samsung, LG, and countless other parts-makers. Those poor souls get paid in dollars, which are worth less as the won gets more valuable. Apple, whose profits have been supercharged by rapidly falling component prices over the past year, will have a tough time negotiating lower prices. If the won appreciates further, forget hopes of an iPhone cheaper than its current $499 price tag.

As the market closed today, Apple, the iPod and niche computer maker, surged past the $100 billion mark to finish with a market valuation of $102.7 billion dollars.

Apple, frequent protector of its brand and copyrights, is requesting that shops remove posters with this image, an advertisement for Ann Summers' iGasm, a sex toy for women which vibrates to the beat of your music player's tunes. According to the British tabloid News of the World, CEO of Ann Summers, Jacqueline Gold, is taking it in stride: "Perhaps I can send them an iGasm to put a smile back on their faces!" Perhaps Ms. Gold hopes to reach an agreement with Steve Jobs similar to the one he reached with Cisco over the use of the name iPhone.

TIM FAULKNER — Now that the "greener" Apple has made an effort to openly discuss their environmental policies, they are being more proactive with new initiatives. They have just announced an educational recycling program open to all accredited K-12 and Higher Education institutions with at least 25 systems (from any manufacturer) to recycle. The only problem: the offer is only available from now to June 30th, a very small and inconvenient window of time considering the glacial pace of school bureaucracies and their many responsibilities at the end of school year. Jobs certainly isn't going to quiet Greenpeace with one-time, limited offerings. However, given their record with Leopard, maybe the offer will be extended to October.

Business as usual at Apple's annual shareholders meeting. Several proposals aimed at changing executive compensation and environmental policies were heard and rejected; the board was, as expected, re-approved. Steve Jobs, the iconic CEO and micro-manager, dominated the question-and-answer session like no other, enthralling the audience and drawing laughter. Likewise, Jobs was peppered with angry or difficult questions which he dismissed or would not tolerate. Nor would any other board member, most of whom were not there, be allowed to fulfill their board responsibilities according to Troy Wolverton of the Mercury News:

NICK DOUGLAS — One in four high schoolers would drop $500 on an iPhone, according to a poll by banking firm Piper Jaffray. Ahem. As a recovering ex-teen (on the wagon for three years as of Tuesday), let me channel the psychology of a high schooler. I am told about a hip product that will elevate you among my peers. I am asked to speculate, in a consequence-free context, whether I would spend my next two McDonald's paychecks on this product. I will tell you "sure." And I'll probably tell you my plan to get my own car, man. Yeah, and an apartment, cause I'm sick of Mom and Dad. Totally, man, totally. (Photo: duncandavidson)

· U.K.'s ITV and NBC are concurrently developing their own versions of the gameshow The Great American Singing Bee from producers Phil Gurin and Bob Horowitz. But how was such a brilliant concept hatched? "Horowitz 'came to me and said, "Two words: Singing bee," ' Gurin said. 'I said, "Bingo," and we began developing it.'" NBC is also expected to buy the still-undefined, bingo-related concept mentioned in the pitch duo in the coming days, which could involve people shouting at a cage full of numbered ping-pong balls and become a natural companion piece to current hit Deal or No Deal. [Variety]
· EMI makes deal with Apple to sell songs online without digital rights management protection, which will allow iTunes users to download all the copy-protection-free Coldplay songs their iPods can handle. [THR]
· Stephen King's son accepts his birthright of having his horror novel adapted into a feature film, with Neil Jordan directing and Akiva Goldman producing a movie version of Heart-Shaped Box, a spooky tale of a haunted killer suit bought on eBay. [Variety]
· While CBS wins the evening in the 18-49 demo with the NCAA tournament championship game, its final number will probably indicate it was the fourth-lowest-rated one in the last 10 years. Take that, Joakim Noah! [THR]
· MTV greenlights the Ashton Kutcher game show pilot 3 Kings, hoping that their relationship with the star won't fizzle out after Punk'd ends after its upcoming, final season. [Variety]

NICK DOUGLAS — Are Macs just for hipster designers? Not at all! Maybe you've wanted to switch to a Mac, but you were afraid it wouldn't work with your Office files. Maybe you can't convince your parents they won't lose their vacation photos. Maybe your boss thinks Macs are toys not meant for serious adults. For all those cases, here are 42 reasons that normal people can switch to Macs.

If Apple does indeed have $12 billion in cash and easy liquidity, then what to do? Purchase Yahoo? Or perhaps North Dakota? Business Week suggests that big-time acquisitions are passé, and that the smart play is to turn a portion of that money into venture capital. It's a neat idea, not so much because of actual return potential, but because it would give Apple a prestige arm that could be seen kindly raining cash on numerous little guys. Excellent PR, a good way to counterspin rumors, and if something productive comes out of it, so much the better. Spinning off VC operations is the new black, Valley-wise ... just ask Tim O'Reilly.

This weekend's must-see movie isn't anything out of Hollywood — it's "Living Pictures/Men in Gold" at SFMOMA, a 40-minute video homage to seven Silicon Valley rich dudes. Created by French artist Sylvie Blocher, the video includes interview-montages with Snocap's Rusty Rueff, former Apple exec and "recovering assoholic" Jean-Louis Gassée, Eventbrite's Kevin Hartz, McDougall Creative's Eric McDougall, Eight Inc.'s Wilhelm Oehl, and Mayfield Fund's Chamath Palihapitiya (pictured). Yep, that's only six — no idea who the seventh is, though Kathy Levinson, formerly of E-Trade, had her footage rendered unusable due to "technical problems." Mmmm-hmmm. Read the Chronicle story for several good sexmoney quotes from the stars, and let us know your opinion if you see the exhibit.

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates will make a joint appearance at the Wall Street Journal's fifth All Things Digital conference in May. Despite a dinner-table tête-à-tête at last year's conference — and not counting the legendary "Big Screen Bill" at 1997's Macworld — formal Jobs-Gates manifestations are pretty rare. It's unscripted and unrehearsed! Oh, how the fur will fly! Expect gentle ribbing.

Proving that diagrams really are the universal language, enjoy this variation on the PC-Mac ads, with international flava.

Rumors are flyin' that EMI, one of the "big four" record labels that use Apple's DRM copy protection to license their music through iTunes, may be dropping DRM requirements — possibly announcing as early as today. Supposedly, EMI had actually been negotiating this point for weeks, "[b]ut on Thursday, those negotiations slowed dramatically." That would no doubt be a result of massive, frantic pressure from the other labels after Steve Jobs's "Thoughts on Music" anti-DRM barnstorming. Speculation about the other labels caving is premature to say the least.Universal just forked out plenty of money to Microsoft for protected airplay on the Zune; Sony BMG is so fanatically anti-pirate that they got burned for invading users' own computers with copy-protection software; and Warner's Edgar Bronfman is already on record as calling Jobs's ideas "without logic or merit." EMI's in the worst shape of the big four, and so has the least to lose by dropping DRM. But its competitors are going to be leaning very hard on the struggling label in order to maintain that united front, at least in the short term.

• Sacha Baron-Cohen and Will Ferrell were too good to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair. [Deadline Hollywood]
  

Other than putting a public-consciousness ki-bosh on his stock options scandal, Steve Jobs's "Thoughts on Music" marks a strange departure — and not because he's turning against DRM. This is the New Steve, and free music aside, it's something of an off-putting change.

DRM music copy protection bad! Steve Jobs good! Steve Jobs God! Really, you don't need to know any more than that about Jobs's inescapable black hole of linkbait, but go read it again. Run your fingers through its hair. Nestle under its arm, in that perfect spot where you fit so well. Mold your body to its perfect physique. Then take a deep breath and plunge into the reaction, which follows this pattern:

· NBC will hand over Aaron Sorkin's 10 p.m. Monday night Studio 60 timeslot to Paul Haggis' drama The Black Donnellys starting on March 5, hoping that the heavy-handed, fender-bender-loving double Oscar winner's new series will hang on to some of hit lead-in Heroes' viewers, but promises that S60 will return to their airwaves at an unspecified date. Also: 30 Rock's slot is being temporarily donated to the Conan O'Brien/Andy Richter midseason comedy Andy Barker, PI, but will be back on April 19th. [Variety]
· In case you haven't heard: Jeff Zucker's getting a nice little promotion over at NBCU 2.0. [Variety, THR]
· And in other NBC front-office news, NBC Entertainment president/scene-stealing The Office dayplayer Kevin Reilly is looking like a good bet to have his expiring contract renewed. (Actually, a very good bet, as the WSJ just reported [sub. req'd.] he's been given a new contract.) [Variety]
· Super Bowl XLI's ratings are "great but not spectacular." We suspect that the event's failure to reach "spectacular" levels was due to intense competition from the far more compelling Puppy Bowl III on Animal Planet. [THR]
· Apple (computers) and Apple Corps. (The Beatles) settle the legal dispute over their shared name, allowing for the possibility that Beatles songs might one day be hawked on iTunes. [Variety]

• New messianic search ads debut on Yahoo! today; CEO Terry Semel predicts "many Mondays" of observation, punctuated by heavy drinking. [NYT]
  

PAUL BOUTIN — Wall Street Journal uber-reviewer Walt Mossberg replied at length to Valleywag's email inquiry yesterday, in which I asked why he mentions Apple's Mac OS X so many times in his review of Microsoft Windows Vista. He obviously thinks the Mac still whups Vista, yet doesn't tell his loyal readers to consider a Mac instead of the pricey new PC most will need to buy to run Vista's best features. Are they holding a gun to his head there, or what? The Sage of Potomac replied instantly, but his email got stuck in the tubes for most of a day. Walt's full response after the jump.See also: David Pogue calls Vista "a truck"