Today Dean Baquet called a U.S.C. professor an “asshole” on Facebook after that professor criticized Baquet’s decision, as executive editor of The New York Times, not to publish any of the Charlie Hebdo cartoons depicting Mohammad. Full transcript after the jump.

Hugh Grant hates being a celebrity, hates being an actor and generally seems like a smug and unpleasant person to be around. Now, Jon Stewart has confirmed that Grant is exactly that. Last week, Stewart was interviewed by Stephen Colbert onstage in Montclair, New Jersey at a fundraiser for the Montclair Film Festival. Among the topics was the worst guest to ever appear on Stewart's show, and he didn't hesitate in answering.

A woman in Shenzhen City, China, apparently had her anus sewn shut "with black threads and needle" by a midwife who hadn't received a good tip. The midwife claims she simply sewed up a bleeding hemorrhoid. Please: Tip your midwives.

So the ombudsman at the Chicago Tribune, in his role as Mr. Serious And Humorless, told gnomish, cussing old man/ billionaire Tribune owner Sam Zell that Zell's "profanity-laced remarks"—that would be "fuck you"— were causing some concern among staffers. Particularly the chicks! So Zell was like, I'll tell you what, ombudsman Timothy J. McNulty: Fuck you too, pansy! Get back to work! We're paraphrasing, of course. But that's the message!