Strangely excited for Baz Luhrmann's new epic Australia. I like the "old movie" feel of the just-released trailer.

Last time we had the pleasure of seeing possibly cursed OC alum Mischa Barton in a bikini was, how to put this delicately, during an blatantly and painfully obviously staged photo shoot in Malibu. The shoot was set up to look like a fortunate paparazzo just so happened to come across the unemployed starlet while she was beach reading and picking wedgies. But alas, as new pictures reveal, Mischa isn't so picture-perfect when donning a swimsuit and appearing in public without her handy and trustworthy paid-off photographers around.

Australian police want pedestrians to know: trendy white iPod headphones can kill. New South Wales police commissioned several morbid posters in which slain pedestrians are outlined by the white wire of an iPod headphone instead of chalk. The odd thing is, Austrailian traffic services commander John Hartley admits there is little evidence to show Apple's iPods or any other digital music players have actually led to anyone's death. Hartley told the Sydney Morning Herald police reports only go so far as to note "pedestrian distraction."

· Quick—take shelter inside this cardboard Tauntaun! It's the Sweded version of The Empire Strikes Back! [YouTube via /Film]
· Videogum wonders where The Strangers, aka The Blair Floppy/Creepy Mask Project, really takes place. [Videogum]
· The Yogurt Elders have spoken: At long last, Pinkberry can hold its head up high and declare itself to be the real thing. [Eater LA]
· The Hoff ordered to pay $25,000 a month in Hasselmony. [USA Today]
· Enjoy these new production stills from Baz Luhrmann's upcoming Ralph Lauren Safari campaign movie, Australia. Check out that Hugh Jackman—now that's how you crack a whip! And don't forget Nicole Kidman—now that's how you cough up blood into a lace kerchief and look frail! [Australiamovie.com, iesb.net]

The competitive high-fashion t-shirt market is divided into those who believe their clever t-shirts mean something and those who don't. And, of course, those who don't care, but cultivate an aura of meaning as a marketing tactic, and also those who act too cool to care, but really do. Australian label Goat Boy sells its Princess Di t-shirt with the slogan "SHE'S DEAD, So get over it" for $49.95, so you know it's special (somebody buy one for Tina Brown, quick!).But they market that t-shirt with the slogan "IT'S JUST A FUCKING T-SHIRT." And with this "very violent" video, after the jump [via AdScam], of a guy wearing the shirt getting beaten up by an old woman. Which is appropriate on so many levels.

We awoke this morning with our fully-charged Defamer prank sensors cranked high, awaiting the torrent of breaking non-news that would challenge us throughout April Fool's Day. Our first alarm sounded at Variety, where Pamela McClintock dumped the timetables for studios' award-season hopefuls and thus launched the trade's unofficial 2008 Oscar Race Handicapping Guide.

We actually don't understand anything about this story except that somehow Rupert Murdoch fucked over his 99-year-old mother, tax-wise, "to the tune of $273 million." His 99-year-old mother! Rupert Murdoch will live forever and someday kill journalism when he buys the Moon York Times. [Sydney Morning Herald]

A story of hubris and dejection this morning, from dear old Ben Widdicombe: "Which mournful solo artist is obsessed with his own level of fame? After convincing himself on a recent flight to Australia that he would be mobbed in the streets, the scrawny singer was nonplussed that most Aussies didn't recognize him." [Gatecrasher] Excerpts from another item, one of Ted Casablanca's complex mystery narratives, lie after the jump.

In a research breakthrough that will solve ongoing arguments across the world, an Australian website has tallied thousands of votes and put together a definitive list of the gayest songs of all time [via Queerty]. The full list is 50 songs deep, and can be seen here. But because our motto is "Servicey in gay music matters," we've got the top ten list—and a video of the GAYEST SONG OF ALL TIME—after the jump. If you're an ABBA fan, you have something special to look forward to.

Disturbing foreign trend of the moment that threatens to erode the American way of life: Evolution of the luxury men's underwear market. It seems that fashion brands have decided to use sophisticated advertising techniques to persuade American men to buy underwear that is new, expensive, and not sold in 3-packs at stores whose names end in "Mart." Oh, that's a good thing, you say? We could stand to be a little more stylish down there? What's a few more dollars to impress your significant other when you drop your drawers? See how enthusiastic you are when you wake up one day in the not-too-distant future and realize that we are slowly being morphed into Australian man-whores. (Warning: close-ups of clothed packages after the jump)

So there are three days left in the week, work is unrelenting, it's still wintertime and God knows what they're doing to Britney in that awful hospital. Now's the time to consider working as a Sydney lifeguard! It's summer down there now, they're recruiting, and the Australian dollar is near a five-year high against our worthless American greenbacks. Also, the lifeguards are very gay friendly, close to 150 of their LGBT lifeguards march in the annual Mardi Gras parade. And dance. And prance. Actually, forget moving to Australia, just watch this awesome video of gay Australian lifeguards, a recruiting flick from which we've helpfully removed all the boring recruiting stuff and cut, uh, straight to the gay.

By "world news" I mean "the current favorite video being passed around online." And by that I don't even mean it's the most-watched video of the week, but that this video of an unapologetic Australian hipster ruffian is being passed around every pass-stuff-around site until it seems it's taken over the Internet. Below, a summary of the video and a timeline of how it spread (and of course the video itself).

Cafe Brewhaha, a coffeehouse located in a fashionable suburb of Melbourne, Australia's second-largest city, has taken a stand against Facebook hysteria: It's banned all mention of the social network within its walls. Sick of constant jabberings about friend requests and online popularity, cafe proprietor Daniel Mrocki declared such talk prohibited on the premise that people should have "normal conversations and not live behind these pseudo identities on the Internet." Yes, but where does he stand on the Scoble issue? (Photo by avlxyz)

The decision by the Australian government to institute filtering of the Internet at the ISP level to protect children from pornography and violent websites is being received with anger and comparisons to the Great Firewall of China. Of course, these critics are ignoring reality.

Fairfax Media, publishers of the Sydney Morning Herald, just got a fancy new headquarters for their "newsroom of tomorrow." Included at no extra cost by the interior designer: "50 floor-to-ceiling glass pillars" engraved with the smiling face of Rupert Murdoch, their main competitor. Also all the birch trees in the Times office garden have "NYT + RG 4Ever" carved into them. [AFP]

Leave it to a former penal colony to rush to judgment. The Australian Consumer and Competition Commission has already approved Google's $3.1 billion DoubleClick acquisition, only six months after Google announced the deal in April. The commission found the two companies were not competitors. In the U.S., the Federal Trade Commission is expected to approve the deal, but it's taking its time while Microsoft's lobbyists spur noisy debate in Congress. Europe's the model of propriety here. Its regulatory body has already heard the case, but wants more time to make further inquiries. The lesson in all this? Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer must not be too worried about his company's Australian prospects. Either that, or Google's right-wing Australian mouthpiece, Rob Shilkin, is actually good at his job.

We might need your help to figure this one out (click to enlarge). From the land where Terry Richardson does denim photography, this Brisbane ad for Frangelico has a young lady palpating nuts in her mouth until the sweet, sticky juice overflows her succulent lips. Wasn't this beverage named after a priest or something? Hardly seems appropriate.

Reporters with Borders may not include Australia next to Iran and Vietnam on its Enemies of the Internet list, but Google tells Australia that passing proposed copyright law changes could send the country back to "the pre-Internet era."

Australia, land of runway fatties and denim nymphettes, now brings you the Wonderbra for men — "Wondercup" underwear that "lifts, separates and extends" to "stop squashing." The "Patriot" designs come in nationally appropriate colors, as "Your country has never been prouder and neither have you." Your date, however, may be disappointed when his or her personal search in your underwear for an apparent WMD turns up empty.

TechGoss is noting a slip-up by News Corp's Austrialian newspaper Telegraph misreported the Australia And New Zealand Banking Group Limited (ANZ) had outsourced its call center to India. ANZ responded with a correction stating it's call center was still Australia, only it's software development was done overseas. Telegraph editors stood by the story, so ANZ decided to make a withdrawal of AUS$5 million dollars in advertising.