awful

Alaska's Worst Person Bike Jacks a 7-Year-Old Girl

Jeff Neumann · 06/07/11 04:45AM

It's not easy to steal the title of Alaska's Worst Person for obvious reasons, but on Sunday, 32-year-old Byron Edward Syvinski of Anchorage did. He allegedly tried to mug a 17-year-old boy (and punched the kid's father), before rampaging down the street:

German E Coli Outbreak Caused By New 'Mutant' Strain

Jeff Neumann · 06/02/11 07:28AM

This is just what the world needs now: A deadly, never before seen "mutant" strain of E. coli. That's exactly what the World Health Organization says is responsible for killing 17 people in Germany this week. Of the 1,500 people who are sick with the strain being attributed to cucumbers, 470 "have developed a rare kidney failure complication." A WHO food expert, Hilde Kruse, told MSNBC that this new strain shows "various characteristics that make it more virulent and toxin-producing" than regular old deadly E. coli. Oh, boy.

'Play-Fighting' Model Falls from Hotel Window, Killing One

Max Read · 05/29/11 10:19AM

A model and a dancer fell from a hotel window in Atlanta while "play-fighting," leaving one dead and one in critical condition at the hospital. LaShawna Threatt (pictured), a 30-year-old model and party promotor, and Ciara Williams, a dancer, were wrestling with each other in a room at the W hotel in midtown Atlanta following Threatt's birthday party when they apparently broke through a window and fell. Threatt landed on the roof of a structure below, dying immediately, while Williams fell another 20 feet, and remains in the hospital in critical condition. Police believe it was an accident. [AJC]

South Korean Man Found Crucified, Jesus Style

Jeff Neumann · 05/04/11 07:29AM

Think of a truly horrendous way to die, and then think about this: A South Korean taxi driver who was said to have had "fanatical religious views" was found dead in a quarry, nailed to a cross and wearing a crown of thorns, with a stab wound in his side and whip marks. A police officer told AFP, "We found at the scene pieces of paper describing how to construct a cross and carry out a crucifixion." They also found a mirror placed so the man could see himself on the cross. Damn.

World's Biggest Jerk Allegedly Runs Over Ducklings in His Hummer

Max Read · 04/27/11 07:07PM

College student Dillon Pearce probably did not set out to be a jerk of almost cosmic proportions when he head to McDonald's on Monday. And yet, according to police, he ended up intentionally running over four ducklings. In his Hummer.

Afghan U.N. Workers Killed During Protest Of Pastors' Quran Burning

Jim Newell · 04/01/11 11:45AM

Several U.N. workers were killed Friday in the northern Afghan city of Mazar-i-Sharif. Reports indicate that a demonstration against the burning of a Quran by American pastors turned violent. There are conflicting reports about the number of people killed, and a U.N. spokesperson has issued a statement confirming the attack, while calling the incident "still confusing."

Animal Hats Not Going Away For Some Reason

Hamilton Nolan · 03/03/11 04:34PM

Jesus Christ: According to the final word in trendwatching, the New York Times Style section, those god damn hats with animal faces and animal ears on them that make the wearer appear to be a mentally feeble four year-old girl "are a trend that shows no sign of going away."

Dog Killed in Police Raid on Wrong House

Max Read · 02/24/11 01:05AM

Click to viewAn attempted drug raid in Philadelphia ended badly on Wednesday night when a police officer entered the wrong home and shot and killed a dog that had bitten him on the ankle. It's hard to blame the officer for shooting an attacking dog (or the dog for attacking an intruder), but one would hope that when armed police are executing raids they could at least get the address right. [NBC10; video below]

Celebukid College Joke Rap Genre Reaches Its Nadir With 'Pussy Breath'

Hamilton Nolan · 02/22/11 12:57PM

It's okay for college kids, or white kids, or even rich and famous kids to like rap; or even to rap themselves, if they happen to be blessed with that particular talent. But it's not okay for rich famous white college kids to butcher rap music, for laffs (on purpose, or unintentionally). Not any more, at least. Maybe it was funny the first time someone tried it, oh so many years ago? We doubt it. But maybe. Now, though... we present you with Pussy Breath.

Death Penalty in Botched Florida Ninja Murders

Hamilton Nolan · 02/17/11 06:15PM

Today's most sickening news story: onetime karate instructor Patrick Gonzalez was sentenced to death today, after being found guilty of "leading a group of men dressed like ninjas" into a Florida couple's home and killing them as their nine adopted children—all with special needs, like autism—slept or looked on in horror. The killers reportedly thought that the couple was hiding millions of dollars in their house. "The men took an unopened safe from the home that contained nothing of value, but a second safe that wasn't stolen had $164,000 in cash, court records show." [AP, photo via AP]