Depressercise! Eczema breasts! Sugar drinks! Dead babies! College smoking! Porn hiatus! Bird flu! Fat science! And all your tense sleep is making you tense, and sleepy! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—invasively!

We saw a great many special things last night on MTV's Video Music Awards, but the highlight of the evening came at the end of Beyonce's performance of "Love on Top," when she opened her blazer and revealed her baby bump.

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are expecting a little babyoncé, as the radiant mom-to-be herself announced on the VMA red carpet. She's already got a baby bump and at least one pregnant-lady tent dress, which she wore tonight. [Image via AP]

After having four children, thoughtful British lady Mandy Davies took stock of her brood, her age, and her family's finances, and underwent a sterilization procedure. So imagine how surprised she might have been to discover that she became pregnant anyway.

Anthony Weiner and improbably patient wife Huma Abedin are on an "Italian babymoon," which is when you take time off work to hang out atop an Italian baby's butt. Haha, just kidding, it's when you celebrate the fact that your wife is five months pregnant and still married to you, even though you are a exhibitionist idiot who has showed his penis to half of the planet while she was carrying your first child in her womb. By going to Italy.

Welcome to the terrible nexus of Foodie and Earth Mama culture: In "The Placenta Cookbook," New York Magazine reports that the placentas of Brooklyn are no longer content to be buried in gardens, or ground into powder and consumed as nutrient-rich dietary supplements. (That is so 2009.) Every placenta who is any placenta gets blended into a coconut juice smoothie, or Bloody Mary, or placenta jerky strip:

For most babysitters, taking an infant for a ride in the stroller means securing the baby in one and then gently pushing the child down the sidewalk. For Florida resident Keyona Davis, it apparently means putting the baby and stroller into a truck bed and then taking the kid for a drive on some of Daytona Beach's busiest roadways. Davis was arrested and charged with child neglect on Wednesday. Video of her bad babysitting behavior is above. [WESH]

Hilary Duff and her hockey husband, Mike Comrie, are gonna have some kind of baby in nine months (or less)! Earlier today she announced the news on her website—which you've all gone and momentarily busted, it seems, by trying to check out the new wedding pictures there.

Goo analysis! Fetal sex! Science mistakes! Alien search! Lamprey death! NASA crafts! Undersea volcanoes! Solar flare! And the brutal ennui of the Mars Rover! It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—down to its gooey center!

Did Fox News host a momentary feminist triumph today? Why, yes, I think it did. Megyn Kelly invited blowhard radio host Mike Gallagher on her show, and played back audio from the time he scoffed, "Megyn's still on maternity leave, isn't she? Boy, what a racket that is." Select excerpts from the verbal pillaging:

Joe McGinniss, the journalist who briefly lived next door to the Palins, reports that Track Palin's wife Britta Hanson has given birth to her child, a girl named Kyla Grace Palin. As predicted, the birth was a bit earlier than abstinence advocates may have expected—three months after the Track and Britta's well-publicized wedding, and a couple weeks shy of the due date on Britta's rumored baby registry. [JoeMcGinniss]

You know when a little kid sees a pregnant lady drinking a glass of OJ, and he's like "No! The baby will drown!" Turns out he's kind of right. The mother-to-be is drowning her baby in flavor, and it will impact the baby's palate forever, a new study finds. NPR reports:

Bonni Marcus and Jack Zinzi dined in Park Slope on Sunday with their "closest companion," a monkey doll named Bongo. They are now offering a $500 cash reward to anyone who finds the orphaned simulation of a primate. Jack explained the predicament to The Brooklyn Paper:

Facebook's absurdly prude content standards sparked another twisted saga this week when the company censored, then promptly un-censored, the iconic cover of Nirvana's Nevermind. Facebook welcomes all your (non-sexual) baby penises!

Fertile China! Psychic dogs! Killer papaya! ADHD safety! Internet addiction! Breastfeeding asthma! Shrinking brains! Love psychology! And uncalled-for lizard posing! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—out of sheer desperation!

It takes a lot to have a noteworthy New York City subway fight video these days—you're competing with the spaghetti fight and the berserk naked wig-out and everything else.

Track Palin and Britta Hanson, Sarah Palin's eldest son and his wife, are doing exactly what the Bible says you should do: They're being fruitful and multiplying. They're also doing something the Bible doesn't really make much mention of: They're registering at Target!

Sarah Palin is going to be a grandmother again. Eldest child Track Palin married high school sweetheart Britta Hanson two months ago, and now we hear that Britta is pregnant. The picture above of "Britta Pie," which appeared on a Wasilla friend's Facebook wall, confirms the news she's expecting. Britta looks to be several months along—perhaps more than two months?

The Summer of Babies continues! Today Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner said howdy to their brand-new daughter. No name yet (maybe Donaldeena?). Obvs Ivanka's the ultimate glamour-mom, but will Jared make a dutiful dad? Hmmm. [Image via AP]

Just in case you feared the giant swell in her belly was a tumor, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has finally confirmed her pregnancy. The French first lady and anal play enthusiast says she doesn't know the gender, and did not specify how many months along she is. Tabloids speculate her fetus is a week or two shy of six months. I'm not sure how they reached such a specific date, but suspect it had something to do with a hacked cellphone hidden under a mattress. Unless Nicolas Sarkozy's sympathy bump gave it away. [People, image via Getty]